Necrophilia
by Saranwyn
Summary: Usami Akihiko, the famous author, is clinically depressed. He has insomnia and is currently suffering from writer's block. His best friend, with whom he'd been in love, is getting married, and Akihiko doesn't know how much more he can take. And then Misaki fell into his lap - literally... WARNING! Yaoi! Smut, don't like - don't read
1. March

Hey, I wanted to focus on my Five Days story - and I'll try to, but this idea sort of just came to me. My first Junjo Romantica fic, but...anyways. Here is it.

_**Bold Italics - Written**_

**Bold - Emphasized**

_Italics - Thought_

* * *

_**March, 23, 2006 – Writer's Journal Entry 1,095**_

_**Such a month is March! Fickle, ever-changing March! Green and robust one day, white and frozen the next. The rush of life, stumbling over itself in its mad scramble to escape the icy claws of winter. Surging forward before being dragged backwards in a mad tug-of-war. Up and down, twisting and turning in gusts of wind. Sun, then snow, then rain, then snow, then rain, then sun, again. Sun. Sun. Sun. Snow…Rain. Rainrainrain. Snow. Sun. Mother Nature at her most temperamental. Leaving us breathless as we race to keep up with her constantly changing moods. Such a month is March!**_

_**March is a bad month of an anniversary – even if it's just the anniversary of your long, complicated relationship with your writer's journal. I don't even want to talk about the fact that it's also my birthday. I hate March. The weather is unpredictable, the rain is always cold and drizzling – not like April, May, June, and July where you get glorious thunderstorms – always hovering right on the edge of sleet. You still get the occasional snow dusting, but that hardly counts and is really just a nuisance. **_

_**March laughs in the face of my struggle with depression by depriving me of much-needed sunlight. March pours salt and lemon juice on my cuts until my life has become nothing but one, unbearable, roiling mass of pain. March takes my loneliness and shoves it in my face while sneering and linking arms with February and April to show that even he is less alone than I. March echoes my incompleteness. It can never be whole, and each year it reminds me how I, too, can never be whole.**_

_**But March understands me. It must hate me as much as I hate it, but it clearly knows how I feel. When March reads my writing, it knows my heart. So many times, I am told that my writing is a celebration of life. Oh, how they misunderstand! Oh, how the ignorant fools grin and laugh with their eyes and ears covered. And oh…oh how I envy them. My writing is a lament disguised by flowery language. My writing is my very soul, poured onto paper and covered with an illusion that, upon further inspection, would fall to tatters. And the pathetic masses that read my work…they have the gall to pretend to know what I write. **_

_**I was told, the other day, in an interview, that my writing brings tears of joy to this woman's eyes. The interviewer told me she loves my celebration of nature and humanity. She informed me that my writing was an inspiration for her to see the good in life wherever it was. At that time, I smiled, said thank you, and fed her some line about writing being for the reader's interpretation. I wanted to smack her and show her what I really meant. I wanted to tell her she had it all wrong. To tell her that my writing was my agony, my sorrow, my grief. But I said none of that. It is better, I think, to give the people what they want and expect. If they knew me, they would recoil and watch with pity as I squirm and think "How pitiful for a man to become something like that."**_

Akihiko abruptly stopped writing. He shut his journal and stood, wrapping his scarf more securely around his neck. Groaning, he rubbed his forehead. He hadn't been sleeping well recently. Well, he never slept well, but he'd been sleeping worse than usual. Even the prescription stuff the doctor had given him wasn't working, anymore. He flipped through the small, leather-bound book in his hands. _What a first entry,_ he thought ruefully. This was his third journal – one for each year since he'd started keeping one. His editor had given him a journal for his birthday, three years ago, and told him he should write in it every day, and then, if he ever lacked inspiration, he could go through the journals and try to find something. He didn't always write about his day or his life or anything. In fact, more often than not, he would write little stories – nothing like the novels he wrote, but small works of fiction he might try to incorporate into one of his novels, later.

However, today, he'd just felt like complaining. He'd felt like kicking and screaming and crying and then curling up in a hole and dying. Largely, this was due to the fact that the love of his life, and his best friend, Takahiro, had announced he was getting married. Akihiko had congratulated him, hugged them both, and wished them well. He'd stayed and let them talk through every detail they'd planned for their wedding. He smiled and pretended he was truly overjoyed. And then they'd left, and his little game of pretend promptly ended. His mask of joy shattered and his heart plummeted. Fighting the urge to break down sobbing, he'd gone outside to a park, sat down on a bench in the shade of a large cherry tree, and wrote.

Words had always come easily to his pen – probably making up for how they dragged their feet coming to his tongue. Ever since he was in middle school, he had been a writer. Reclusive and virtually friendless, his sole companions had been pen and paper. Now, in the age of the computer – he still had refused to abandon them completely. Some, like his editor, laughed and said he was old-fashioned, but he always did everything first in pen and typed it out later, for editing and publishing. When he looked at his typed work, he felt like it was missing something, some crucial element. Maybe that was why no one understood. Maybe it was that they couldn't see his handwriting in the shapes of the words sprawled across the page. He'd admitted that to his editor, once, but she'd just smiled sadly, patted his arm, and told him it was more likely because his sense of irony and sarcasm was too dry for most people to get it.

Shaking himself from his thoughts, Akihiko turned to head back to his car. He had barely made it two steps when a cry halted him and he looked up towards it…just in time to break someone's fall with his face. They both hit the ground. In an instant the person – a boy of perhaps eighteen years – was scrambling off Akihiko, apologizing profusely.

"I am so sorry! Are you okay? Say something! Oh my God, I've killed him! Oh please say something! Please, please, please say something! I really, **really **didn't mean to fall on you! Mister, please say something!" he babbled senselessly.

"I would if you'd shut up for half a second," Akihiko finally managed to cut in. The boy shut his mouth abruptly, staring at the author in shock. Then he let out a huge sigh of relief.

"I was scared I'd killed you," he admitted.

"Well, calm down. You didn't," Akihiko assured him, looking around. "What were you doing up in that tree anyways?" he asked. The boy frowned.

"Tree?" The boy looked up at the tree. "Oh. Um…I don't know…" he admitted. Akihiko frowned. _What's up with this kid? He doesn't know?_ "Anyways, I'm really glad you're okay!" He stood up and offered Akihiko his hand to help him up. "My name's Misaki!" Akihiko took his hand and got up, looking the boy up and down. He was pretty cute, for a scrawny little brat. He had short, light brown hair and wide, bright, emerald eyes. All in all, he reminded Akihiko of summer.

"Usami Akihiko," the author offered his own name at length.

"Pleased to meet you, Usami-san!" the boy chirped, brushing dirt and grass from Akihiko's shoulders.

"Right, well…bye. Take care of yourself." Akihiko started to walk off, but the boy followed him. Frowning, he decided to ignore him for a while to see if he'd go away. When he got to his car, however, and the boy was still following along like a lost puppy-dog, he turned on him. "What are you doing following me? Go on and run along home."

"Well…I was actually wondering…if it would be too much hassle if I stayed with you for a bit," the boy admitted. _What the hell? Is he homeless? Would he really just trust some random guy who happened to be in the wrong place at the wrong time? For all he knows I could be some psychopathic killer!_

"Yes, it would be."

"Please, let me stay! I can cook and clean – that could be like paying rent or something, right? And I won't bother you when you're busy, I promise!"

"No." The boy looked down, his eyes filling with tears. _Oh, Good Lord, don't do this to me!_ Akihiko despaired as a silvery tear escaped the corner of Misaki's eye, quickly followed by more. He tried in vain to rub them away.

"I-I'm sorry…I…"

"Geeze, fine, get in the car!" he grumbled. He was winded by Misaki throwing his arms around him and plastering himself to his chest.

"Thank you so much! You won't regret it, I promise!" _Too late,_ Akihiko thought moodily, prying himself loose.

"Just get in the car." The boy obeyed in an instant, settling himself in the passenger's seat and beaming up at Akihiko. _What an idiot,_ the older man thought as he pulled out of the parking lot. "Really though, kid, you have no idea what kind of guy I could be. You shouldn't just trust anyone, you know."

"That's okay, Usagi-san – can I call you that, because Usami sounds like usagi, and I love rabbits!"

"Fine, whatever."

"See?! I was right about you, Usagi-san! You're really a nice guy! Say, what's your favorite kind of food? Oh, but I don't have any money, so you'll have to pay for groceries – is that okay? Well, by the looks of this car, it should be…are you rich, Usagi-san? You look rich, because you dress so nicely and you've got this expensive, red sports car. Are you listening, Usagi-san?" Akihiko exhaled deeply. _I have just dug myself an early grave,_ he thought as the boy continued to chatter, leaving him no time to even think of an answer to any of his questions. _What an idiot…_

They arrived at the apartment building where Akihiko lived and he parked, but the boy was too busy talking animatedly to notice.

"Misaki!" Akihiko cut him off mid-sentence. "We're here…get out."

"Oooh! Wow! You live here?! It looks really fancy!" Misaki got out of the car, looking around with eyes the size of dinner plates.

"Just…come on." Akihiko led him inside to the elevator and up to the top floor.

"You live on the top floor?! Wow! You really **are** rich!" They went inside and Misaki stared. _Ah, quiet at last,_ Akihiko praised silently. "Do you live here by yourself?" came the quiet question at last.

"Yeah."

"Doesn't it…get lonely?" Akihiko blinked and then chuckled, rolling his eyes, and chose not to answer. Instead, he just removed and hung up his coat and take off his shoes.

"Let me give you the grand tour. This is the living room here, and then right through this door is the kitchen. Up the stairs on the left is my bedroom, the door to the right of it is the linen closet and across the hall is the bathroom. The door to the left of my bedroom can be your room – assuming it doesn't have stuff it in…I don't think it does. And-" He was cut short by a pair of arms wrapping around him from behind and a cheek resting against his back.

"Thank you, Usagi-san," Misaki whispered.

"Um…you're welcome. Misaki? Are you crying again?"

"N-no…" Akihiko felt tears seep through his shirt.

"You **are** crying!" he accused. "Why are you crying, now?"

"I'm just so happy…that you're letting me stay."

"C-calm down, kid. Seriously! It's really not a big deal, okay? So just stop crying…" Misaki released him, wiping his eyes.

"S-sorry…I'll try not to…it's just…I saw you and I thought…I really wanted to make you happy, but instead I'm just causing you trouble. I'll try really hard, Usagi-san! You won't regret letting me stay! I promise!" Akihiko sighed in defeat and ruffled Misaki's hair.

"I know, Misaki, so just take it easy, okay?" Misaki nodded, sniffling a little and looking around. He walked over to a picture and picked it up.

"This man in the pictures with you…"

"Takahiro…he's a friend of mine." The boy touched Takahiro's face with his fingertips, staring at the picture. "You okay? Do you know him?"

"…No." Misaki set the picture down. "I just was thinking how lucky he must be to have a friend like you, Usagi-san."

"Don't say that kind of thing, Misaki. You have no clue what kind of person I am, really, so don't think you do."

"I know what kind of a person you are," Misaki replied. He walked over to the couch and sat down, patting the giant teddy bear that was already there. "You collect teddies?" he asked.

"Toys in general. It started as an experiment for my writing, trying to see what the life of a normal child is like, but somehow it got a little…extreme."

"Extreme?"

"You'll see." Akihiko chuckled lightly. "Well, let me get you some pajamas for tonight –we can go shopping to get you some necessities tomorrow, okay?"

"Thank you." The author went upstairs to his room. His bedroom was a jungle of children's toys – dolls, stuffed animals, toy trains, musical instruments…you name it. He easily made his way across the treacherous span of his toy-littered floor to his dresser drawers, where he dug around until he got some pajamas for his new guest. _What are you getting into, Akihiko?_ He mused as he returned to give the boy his clothes.

"Misaki, here are the-" Akihiko stopped talking, staring at the sleeping boy on his couch. Chuckling, he walked over and ruffled his hair before picking him up and carrying him to a guest bedroom to sleep for the night. "Goodnight, kiddo," he murmured, pulling the blankets up over him.


	2. Red

_**April 15, 2006 – Writer's Journal Entry 1, 118**_

_**Red. Crimson splashed over a smooth, milky canvas. It gushed forth, bubbling at those soft, pink lips, sliding down her long, slender neck, pooling on her still, frozen chest. It oozed up through the soft cotton of her periwinkle shirt, a spreading taint. It drip, drip, dripped down, staining pristine, white snow. A shuddering gasp jolted her entire form, then rattled out of her gaping mouth as a small, puff of white mist, floating upwards to fade into nothingness…**_

_**I've killed my main character, Kaori fifteen times in theory. Well, sixteen, now. I don't think Aikawa-san would like it at all if I really wrote her death into a book. I'll run it by her next time…and hope she doesn't bite my head off.**_

_**Misaki shows no signs of leaving…ever. He even said he might get a part time job so he can pay me rent. He's a good cook, too. And he never complains about doing all the cleaning. Still, he's weird and I don't know hardly anything about him. He smiles a lot though. He smiles at me like I'm the only person in the world. And he claims not to know Takahiro, but I catch him staring at the pictures I have of him a lot. **_

_**Now that I think about it, Takahiro had a brother named Misaki, but his whole family died in the car accident. There's no way that my Misaki is the same as Takahiro's – if he'd survived, Takahiro would know for sure. Still, if I remember correctly, they kind of look similar. Of course, Takahiro's Misaki died when he was eight – I went to the funeral. My Misaki is very much alive…it's kind of refreshing…**_

Akihiko groaned and opened his eyes. He had fallen asleep working late, again. Because of his insomnia, he often just stayed up writing until he passed out. He checked the clock and saw it was seven AM. He sat up and went to shower and change. Standing in the bathroom, he stood before the mirror, staring down his own reflection. Then, sighing, he reached for the bottle of antidepressants he kept in the cabinet. He dry-swallowed them and headed downstairs. Misaki had breakfast ready, as usual.

"Hey," he greeted the author with a brilliant smile. "How are you feeling?" A look of worry flashed over his face. "Did you sleep alright? You look exhausted…you always look exhausted."

"I'm fine. What's for breakfast?"

"I made omelets…but I remembered, no green peppers in yours." Akihiko nodded his approval and sat down to eat. "Usagi-san…do you have insomnia?"

"What?"

"I notice you don't sleep much, at all. Sometimes I wake up in the middle of the night and you're still up, and you always have bags under your eyes…"

"Yes. I sometimes take pills for it, but the doctor says not to take them too often so I don't become dependent on them, and so they don't cause me other problems." They lapsed into silence as they ate.

"How's work coming?" Misaki asked at length, as they finished eating.

"Fine…" Akihiko replied, not really sounding like he meant it. "Oh, my friend Takahiro and his fiancé are coming over for lunch today." Misaki blinked and his face darkened slightly before a huge smile lit his features.

"Oh. Okay. I'll make a really special lunch then. When will they be over?"

"I think they said one o'clock."

"I'll run to the grocery store, then, okay?"

"Sure. Go ahead and buy as much as you need." Misaki got up, gathering the dishes. He went to the kitchen and Akihiko heard the water running as he washed them. He made no offer to help. The way he saw it, if the kid didn't want to do the dishes he wouldn't - or if he felt like he was being overworked, he would just leave. The water turned off, signaling he'd finished with the dishes, and he walked over to Akihiko, who was still at the table, feeling unable to muster the energy to get up. Delicate, slender fingers curled over the author's own.

"Are you okay?" the boy asked gently. Akihiko nodded. He felt and arm slip around him, coming up to support his elbow and gently urge him to his feet. "At least sit on the couch where you'll be comfortable." Akihiko let Misaki steer him to the couch. Something about his touch felt nice…warm. It was something he could never quite get used to. Just like that boy's smile. Every time he saw it, it took his breath away. _That's the sort of thing I can't capture in my writing,_ Akihiko thought ruefully as he sat down on the couch. _Something that beautiful…that perfect…no my writing conveys only my misery…_ Misaki fetched Suzuki-chan, Akihiko's favorite teddy bear, and set her beside him.

"Misaki…" Akihiko murmured.

"Yes?" For a moment the author just basked in the summer of his gaze, soaking in the much-needed sunlight that the world was currently denying him. Then, he got to thinking about why he'd called Misaki's name. In truth, he just liked the sound of it, and he wanted those beautiful, sparkling, emerald eyes to look at him, again. He wanted to feel that glimmer of happiness that he only ever felt with Misaki's eyes on him. But it wouldn't do to tell him that, now would it? He took a deep breath.

"Misaki," he said the name again, just because he liked it.

"Yes…?" Misaki showed no signs of impatience or irritation – he never did – so he figured he'd go ahead and say it just one more time.

"Misaki."

"Yes?" _This is ridiculous,_ Akihiko chastised himself.

"Bring something for dessert, too. And pick up a new ribbon for Suzuki-chan."

"Alright. Is that all?"

"…Yes that's all. Be safe, Misaki. Don't hug any strangers…or get into cars with them…or accept any candy from them. Got it?"

"Yup! I can only do that with you, Usagi-san!" Akihiko shook his head in amusment. This kid had no sense. _What is this warm feeling in my chest?_ Misaki turned to walk away and suddenly Akihiko found himself on his feet, grabbing his wrist.

"Actually…there's one more thing." He pulled Misaki back to him and sealed his mouth over the boy's, his other arm wrapping around his waist. Misaki was frozen in shock, completely unresponsive as his mind scrambled to figure out exactly what was happening. By the time it had, Akihiko was already drawing away. "Hurry back." Misaki hesitated, his eyes wide, then, he spun and hurried off, visibly paler than before.

As he walked down the street, his head was buzzing. _He just kissed me! That…that wasn't supposed to happen…was it? What do I do? Was it just because his heart was broken over Takahiro? He thinks I don't know, but it's obvious from the look on his face, every time he mentions his name. It's really cruel…that things turned out that way. But more importantly, how do I face him, now? Is this okay? I don't know! Did I hate it? I can't tell! Honestly, I didn't even register it was happening until it was over! When I come back, will he do it again?_ His footsteps got faster and faster, so he didn't have time to stop when he turned a corner…and crashed right into someone. He reeled back in shock, falling off balance and landing hard on his backside.

"S-sorry!" he gasped. Then he looked up. _T-Takahiro?_

"Are you okay?" Takahiro gasped, offering his hand. Ignoring it, Misaki jumped to his feet, his eyes wide.

"Um, yes! I-I…um…a-are you Takahiro-san?"

"Huh? Yes…"

"I'm a friend of Usagi-s-Usami-sensei. Are you headed to his place, now?"

"Well, I'm going to pick up my fiancé first, but yes."

"R-right. Well, see you!" Misaki brushed past the man and hurried off down the street. Takahiro stared at him, frowning. _What's up with him?_ he mused. _He seemed really flustered…I hope he was okay. What a strange kid…_

By the time Misaki returned with the groceries, Takahiro was already there with his fiancé. He had decided to show up early. All eyes shifted to the boy as he came in.

"Oh, there he is," Akihiko commented. "Misaki, this is my friend Takahiro and his fiancé, Manami."

"We met," Misaki replied. "I mean…I met Takahiro-san on the street on my way to the store. It's a pleasure to meet you, Manami-chan."

"Your name is Misaki?" Takahiro asked. "Funny, I used to have a brother named Misaki." Akihiko frowned as he noticed a subtle change in Misaki's expression. His smile became a little more strained.

"Is that so?"

"He died ten years ago, in a car accident. He would've been about your age, now. Funny, he had the same hair and eyes that you have, too."

"Yeah…" Misaki's voice was a little raspy. "Excuse me." He rushed past them into the kitchen. Akihiko stood.

"Misaki? Are you okay?" He followed him into the kitchen to find the boy sitting on the floor, his back to the wall, crying as silently as he could. "Misaki, what happened?" Akihiko knelt before him. Over the few weeks since Misaki had moved in, Akihiko had learned that he cried very easily and tended to get worked up over little things, but each time it happened, it still broke his heart. He took the boy's face between his hands.

"I-I'm sorry! I…I…I just…!" the rest of his words were completely unintelligible, because he was crying so hard. Akihiko drew him forward against his chest, wrapping him in his arms and running his fingers through his hair.

"Shhh…it's okay…shhh…why don't you just try to tell me why you're crying?" he asked gently. Misaki shook his head.

"I…c-can't…"

"Shhh…it's okay…" He rocked him back and forth and held him and dropped feather-light kisses onto his head until at last his crying stopped. "You're sure you don't want to tell me what's wrong?" he asked. Misaki nodded.

"You shouldn't leave them alone in there, anyways."

"How can I leave you when you're so upset?" The author wiped away his tears with his thumb. _What could be the matter? Does talking about Takahiro's brother bother him that much? Why would it?_ "Are you okay?"

"Y-yeah…Thank you, Usagi-san." Misaki stood up, sniffling and wiping his eyes with a weak smile. Akihiko also stood, ruffling the boy's hair.

"Okay then…" He turned and headed back to his guests. Misaki didn't come out of the kitchen until lunch was ready, and it was time to set the table. He didn't make eye-contact with anyone, nor was he his usual, excited, bubbly self. Without a word, he served the food as they all sat down, then he took a seat next to Akihiko. Under the table, the author reached over and placed a hand on his knee, squeezing it comfortingly before removing it and starting to eat.

"So…" Misaki asked, forcing a bright smile. "How is it?"

"It's delicious!" Takahiro praised, grinning. "Akihiko is really lucky to have such a good cook make all his meals!"

"It's very good," Manami agreed. "You'll have to give me a few pointers, now that I'm going to be a wife, soon!"

"Perfect, as always," Akihiko added his own agreement.

"Thank you," Misaki murmured, blushing a little.

"How did you learn?" Manami pursued.

"I had a friend teach me. I always wanted to know how to cook, but I never had the chance until I turned eight or so. Then I met this really nice woman who taught me everything I know about cooking and cleaning and sewing, and all that sort of stuff."

"Wow, so you really like housekeeping?"

"Yeah."

"You'd make someone a good bride," Takahiro teased. Misaki blushed hard, remembering Akihiko's kiss from earlier that day.

"Y-yeah…" He then went back to being silent as Takahiro, Akihiko and Manami chatted, mostly about the upcoming wedding.

"I just wish my Misaki could be there to see it," Takahiro lamented. Suddenly, Misaki's attention was drawn back to them and he found himself staring at Takahiro. "Do you want to come?" Takahiro asked.

"Y-yeah…I guess. I mean, I'd be honored to be invited."

"Consider yourself invited, then." Akihiko frowned slightly. _Why is Misaki acting so weird? I mean, weird in a way that isn't like he usually acts._ "Haha, you look so much like my brother, and from what Akihiko told me, you act like him too, it would almost be like he's there." Before the words had fully left Takahiro's voice, Misaki had stood up and begun collecting dishes.

"I'm going to get the dessert," he excused himself.

"I told you not to talk about him," Akihiko whispered. "It's clearly upsetting him…"

"Sorry, it just popped out. I guess I wasn't thinking." Akihiko sighed. _Misaki…I wish you'd just tell me what's wrong…_

* * *

Thanks for all the reviews and support! I just couldn't put this story down, even though I probably should've spent a little more time doing some other, more productive things, it just kept nagging at the back of my mind, so eventually I caved and just sat down and got this next scene in. I think next chapter we'll get to find out what's up with crazy Misaki. I realize he's REALLY weird right now, but I also noticed that Misaki in the actual anime gets weird when he's keeping secrets, too.


	3. Despondency

_**April 19, 2006 – Writer's Journal Entry 1,122**_

_**Despondency suited him. Draping his lean, lanky limbs over the couch, despair settled on him like a morning dew. It coated a thin sheen over his near-translucent skin, clung in droplets to his eyelashes, and slid down his long hair like pearls on a string. Really, absolute misery made him beautiful. His body, so fragile, like fine china, blue veins lacing just under pale, alabaster. Obsidian eyes glazing with utter anguish, petal-soft lips pulled down at the corners, just slightly, pale throat exposed in full as he leaned his head back over the arm of the couch. Deaf and blind to the world around him, he lay there steeped in his wretchedness and waited for the end of the world…**_

Akihiko stopped writing. He usually tried to write at least a page or so before stopping, but he just didn't have it in him. _Besides,_ he thought, glancing at the clock. It read 5:50 PM. _I should get ready to go to the wedding._ He stood up and shut his journal.

"Usagi-san?" Misaki called through the door a moment before opening it. Akihiko was still in bed, his lamp his only source of light. Misaki gingerly picked his way through the room to the window and opened the curtains. Akihiko groaned, shielding his face. "It's really sunny out. You could probably use the Vitamin D." _He's right,_ Akihiko admitted. But that didn't mean he wanted the window's open. The boy now made his way to the bed and sat down on the edge. "You should probably get up and get ready to go." Akihiko mumbled his agreement, flopping his face back down into the pillow. "Usagi-san…"

"Give me a kiss and I'll get up." Silence. They still hadn't talked about that kiss Akihiko had given Misaki four days ago. Then, he felt a pair of soft lips press against his temple.

"Usagi-san, you really need to get up, now…" Akihiko forced his complaining body out of bed, rubbing his eyes.

"Fine, fine! Happy? I'm up."

"No…I'm not happy…" Akihiko turned around, startled, to find Misaki right in front of him. The boy hugged him. "I'm so sorry."

"Why?"

"I…I keep failing to make you happy. I really…I really wanted…to cheer you up…" Akihiko smiled sadly.

"You do, Misaki…you make me happy." He knew the words sounded completely fake, and they were a bit of a stretch, but Misaki had improved his quality of life in many ways. For instance, he'd stopped cutting when Misaki moved in – first just because he was afraid of being caught and then because he felt the desire slowly…slowly ebbing away. There were days, of course, when he was still tempted, but then Misaki would come in with the biggest smile like he was honestly glad to see him, and he imagined the way that face would fall if he ever find out, and he would decide not to, at least for that day. He felt tears seep through his shirt. "Don't cry."

"I-I'm so sorry…" Misaki released him, wiping his eyes. Akihiko ruffled his head.

"Okay, I'm going to go get ready. You should too."

"Yeah." Akihiko walked off to the bathroom to shower and change. By the time he was ready to go, Misaki was already waiting at the door, eyes on the clock. He was wearing a pale blue button up shirt with a dark blue tie and black dress pants. Akihiko suppressed the urge to chuckle – or drool – he couldn't figure out which was more appropriate.

"Don't you look all grown up?" he muttered, ruffling Misaki's hair. The teen pouted in a very adorable way.

"I **am** grown up! I'm eighteen, you know!"

"Yeah. I know." Akihiko **did** chuckle, now. "Come on." They went downstairs to the parking lot and got in the car.

"Hey, they're getting married in a church, right?"

"That's what the invitation says…"

"Is the cemetery where Takahiro-san's family is buried near there?"

"I think so, why?"

"I just…I was just curious. It seems like a sad place to get married."

"Well, his family died ten years ago, I think he's probably come to terms with it." Misaki nodded pensively.

"I wonder if they have."

"What?"

"Well, I mean…I don't think people just…disappear when they die…I mean…they probably at least get the choice…to watch over the ones they love. Or maybe the duty is thrust upon them unwillingly. I-I don't know…I feel like…it would be harder to get over it…if you're the one that died."

"Once people die, they're…well, dead, Misaki."

"I know that! I just…" Misaki sighed. "Never mind." They arrived at the wedding and went in to sit at their seats in the front of the chapel and wait for the ceremony to start. Takahiro flashed Akihiko a smile right before the music started. All eyes turned to the back as the doors opened and Manami, walking beside an older man that must have been her father, started down the aisle. She was gorgeous, dressed in a long, flowing white gown, her light brown hair done up in curls, her eyes alight with joy. The bouquet in her hands trembled as her hands shook with nervousness and excitement, but by the time she reached the altar, they had stilled completely. She gazed confidently up at Takahiro, smiling brilliantly.

_Hah…these poor, ignorant fools, _Akihiko thought. _Do they not know that this sort of perfect happiness never lasts?_ He forced a smile. _Well, at least it will be nice for a while…I should just be happy for him. Why do I have to feel so crappy when I should just be glad he's got a good life? Some lover I am…some best friend…_He felt a hand link with his and squeeze gently. Misaki was still staring ahead at the wedding, as if he'd unconsciously taken Akihiko's hand, but he when he noticed Akihiko staring at him, he glanced sideways and offered the man a small, sad smile, letting him know this wasn't the case.

At last, the two were pronounced man and wife and shared a kiss before heading back down the aisle together. The guests all got up, following out to the yard where they were having the reception. Akihiko approached Takahiro.

"Congratulations!" He hugged Takahiro briefly then shook Manami's hand. His friend grinned.

"Thanks, Akihiko. You know, one day, I'd like to go to your wedding. You should really get out a little bit. Meet some people, you know."

"Yeah, well…" Akihiko laughed dismissively. Then, suddenly, he realized the lack of Misaki's presence. He looked around and didn't see him. "Excuse me, it seems I've misplaced Misaki…" he excused himself, walking off, frowning.

Misaki wandered among the graves until he at last came to the one he wanted. Takashi Misaki: born August 2, 1988, died May 10, 1996, beloved son and younger brother. He fell to his knees and reached out, his fingertips brushing the gravestone. There were fresh flowers on the grave. _Did Takahiro come before the wedding and put them there? How often does he take time to bring flowers? Does it matter? Maybe it's better…if he doesn't. _He exhaled deeply. _Yes, it would be better…to move on._

"Misaki!" a voice called. "There you are. What are you-?" Akihiko stopped talking when he realized what grave they were at. "What are you doing here?"

"I was told I was like him, I just thought…I don't know. I just wanted to see it." Misaki blinked back tears.

"If it's upsetting you, you shouldn't come here." Misaki stood and turned around, flinging his arms around Akihiko and burying his head in his shoulder.

"I know," he whispered. "I know I shouldn't. I just…wanted to see it…"

"Why?"

"I…just did."

"Come on…let's go back to the wedding." Misaki nodded and they returned. However, it was not long before they left, again, headed home.

"Are you okay, Usagi-san?" Misaki asked as they drove home.

"Yeah."

"You really loved him, didn't you?"

"I-I never said that…"

"I know you didn't, but I can tell." Akihiko sighed and nodded.

"Yes."

"How long?"

"Ten years. We met right before the car accident."

"…Oh."

"Of course, we didn't get close until after the accident, really, but still…I think I fell in love with him pretty early on. But he's married now, so…that's the end of it."

"I'm sorry. That's…well…it's very cruel…for him not to even notice…"

"It's life." Misaki sighed as Akihiko pulled to a stop and they got out.

"Are you going to try to sleep tonight?"

"Probably not."

"Please try! You look exhausted!" The author shrugged halfheartedly. Misaki hung his head. _Why do I keep failing to help him?_ he wondered, frustrated. _What else can I do?_ He went up to the bathroom and got ready for bed. He lay down, thinking about what to do for a long while. But nothing came to mind. _I have to do __**something**__! _"Usagi-san!" he called from his bedroom door.

"Yes?" the author asked, coming up the stairs. "What is it?"

"Um…I…I…um…" he trailed off.

"What is it?"

"I had a nightmare."

"Oh, are you okay?"

"Y-yeah…I was just…um…I didn't…want to be alone." Akihiko seemed stunned for a moment then he smirked.

"Are you inviting me into your bed, Misaki?" he purred. The innocent boy nodded, wide-eyed. _He's so adorably clueless!_ Akihiko inwardly marveled. He placed his hands on Misaki's shoulders and then steered him backwards to the bed.

"Th-thank you, Usagi-san." _Maybe…maybe he's just lonely at night and it will help him sleep if I'm with him. At least this way, he'll try._

"You're saying you want me to sleep with you, right?" _Why is he asking all these questions?_

"Yes." Akihiko suppressed a chuckle. (A/N: Poor, oblivious Misaki! He's so innocent!) He ducked his head and nuzzled Misaki's neck.

"You know…you're too cute for your own good. And how you remained this innocent…I have no clue, but it's really just too adorable," he whispered breathily.

"U-Usagi-san? W-what are you doing?" Misaki asked, leaning back a bit. When Akihiko crawled up onto the bed, he scooted back.

"Sleeping with you."

"Um…but…here, you can lie down here." Misaki scooted over on the bed so there was room for both of them. Akihiko lay down next to him and wrapped his arms around him. Misaki smiled. "Thank you Usagi-san."

"Mhmmm." After a moment, Misaki gasped.

"U-Usagi-san! What are you doing?" Akihiko had slipped his hand up under Misaki's shirt. He kissed the back of the boy's neck, his hand moving further upward, pushing up the shirt as it went. "Your hands are cold!"

"Warm them up."

"Usagi-san…what are you doing?" _Just how sheltered was this kid? Does he seriously not get where I'm headed with this?_

"It's just touching. Do you mind?"

"…N-no, I guess not. I was just surprised." Akihiko's fingers found one of Misaki's nipples and pinched. "H-hey!" Misaki gasped. "W-what was that for?"

"You're just so irresistible."

"Aki…hiko-san…I…I don't understand what you're doing but you're scaring me." Akihiko pulled his hands away and rolled Misaki around to face him.

"Misaki…you really don't get it do you?"

"I-I know it must sound stupid, but I really don't…get it."

"Misaki. I love you. Somewhere along the way, you made me fall for you…somehow."

"W-wait you mean…?"

"Yes, Misaki." He sealed their mouths in a firm kiss. Misaki was frozen in shock and confusion. _What do I do? What do I do? This is not…not what I thought would happen? _He felt teeth bite down on his lip and gasped, allowing Akihiko's tongue into his mouth. _Is this…is this bad?_ And yet he found himself being swept away despite his doubts. He opened his mouth a little wider and responded with his own tongue. _What am I doing?_ He wondered, his eyes falling shut. _But this…this can't be wrong…maybe this…is what needed to happen…all along._ He moaned softly, his arms moving to wrap around the author's neck. At last, Akihiko drew away when the need for air became too much.

"Usagi…san? Is this…okay?"

"Yes, Misaki. This is fine." This time, it was Misaki that initiated the kiss, placing his lips tentatively over Akihiko's for a quick, chaste caress.

"I don't know…anything about this. So you'll have to teach me," he admitted. Akihiko nodded and kissed him again, hungrily. The boy clung on for dear life, whimpering softly into his mouth until he drew back and started to kiss down his jaw and neck. "U-Usagi-san? Can we stop here tonight? Akihiko sighed but relented. _I don't really want to scare him, besides I'm feeling kind of…sleepy, so I should probably…take advantage of that._ He nodded and lied down next to him, wrapping him in his arms. Misaki kissed his brow. "Goodnight, Usagi-san."

"Goodnight." Then, for the first time in what felt like forever, Akihiko fell into a deep, peaceful sleep.

* * *

Thank you all for reading! Next Chapter will reveal Misaki's big secret (I think) which I'm sure some of you (if not all of you) have guessed by now.


	4. Death

_**April 21, 2006 – Writer's Journal Entry 1,124**_

_**I remember my father's voice, stern and strong, ringing through the empty halls of my childhood home. He betrayed none of his doubts. Clear. Cold. Who does he call? It is a name I no longer recognize. "Akihiko!" Each earth-shattering syllable shakes my body, seeking to touch my heart. "Akihiko!" His voice rattles through my hollow form. "Akihiko!" Who is he calling? What name? I see my father's face. Who is this man? He is no one. A stranger. A stranger calling out to a person that does not exist. "Akihiko!"**_

_**It has been a long time since I've seen my father. He and I parted on what wasn't the best of terms. Of course, he and I never really had that father-son bond. He was always distant. When I awoke from the dream, it was Misaki calling my name, not my father. I don't remember falling asleep, last night. It must have been close to five AM. I haven't touched Misaki since that night, after the wedding. As much as I want to, he's still very nervous about it. He's so innocent. How does a boy his age not know anything about arousal or sex? He didn't even recognize what I was doing to him before as something sexual. Maybe…maybe he doesn't want it. He asked me if it was okay, and I said it was, but is it? If he doesn't know what it is, if he doesn't want that kind of relationship with me, is it okay for me to trick him into doing it, anyways? No, it's not. **_

"I'm going out to the grocery store, okay?" Misaki's voice called. Akihiko stood up and hurried out to the hall, swept up in the urgency to just see him before he left. Even though the teen went shopping at least once a week, every time he walked out the door, Akihiko was struck by the fear that he would never come back. This time a littler worse than usual.

"Wait…can I come with you?" Misaki looked like he'd just been given a pony, his whole face alighting with a huge grin.

"It would make me so happy…" he admitted, blushing.

"Hold on a moment, I'm going to get changed." Akihiko disappeared back into his room. He was halfway to the closet before he realized that he had just **wanted** to get out of the house. For once, he wasn't dragging himself out of bed and forcing his apathetic body to move. And for once, he had hope that maybe…just maybe, he could break free of his depression. _Slow down,_ he reminded himself. _Firstly, you don't know that Misaki's going to stay. Realistically speaking, he'll probably move out some time. Secondly, just because on occasion the kid can get you feeling a little better doesn't mean you're not depressed, anymore. And thirdly, going from depressed to bipolar is really not much of an improvement. _

The author went back downstairs to find himself suddenly attacked in a massive embrace that knocked them both to the ground. Misaki, for his part, did not seem to mind at all their new position, with him literally on top of the older man.

"Thank you so much for coming with me, Usagi-san! I always like spending time with you, so it makes me really glad when you do things with me." Akihiko took a moment to get the air back into his lungs.

"Yeah, well you're going to kill me before we even get out the door at this rate," he teased, not that he really minded having the boy on top of him. Misaki got up, offering his hand down to his landlord, who accepted it and stood.

"Sorry. Are you okay?"

"Yeah, yeah, I'm fine. Let's go." _Before I lose the will to get out of the house,_ he added mentally, heading for the door. Misaki followed him, smiling blissfully.

They started down the sidewalk in silence, the younger trailing a step behind the older. There, away from Akihiko's gaze, he led a small, sad smile replace his grin from before. He pressed a hand over his heart and stifled a deep sigh. _Even now, Usagi-san…that bright flicker of warmth I saw in you, before, is gone. So quickly it died, _ he thought sadly. _Every time I manage to lift your mood, a little, I keep thinking I've actually gotten somewhere…but I'm probably just getting my hopes up for nothing._

"Don't fall behind," Akihiko called, glancing over his shoulder. He thought, for a moment, that Misaki looked sad, but the next moment, the boy was grinning and catching up to him as they went into the store. They strolled through the aisles in companionable silence, both wrapped up in their own thoughts. It wasn't until after they'd checked out with their bags in hand that the author spoke. "Why are you still here?"

"W-what? Where else do I have to go?"

"I don't know. But what kind of person just asks to stay at someone's place when they've just met them? That's dangerous, you know."

"And what kind of person allows just anyone to come over to their place and stay there? That's dangerous, too. I could've been a thief or a psychopathic murderer."

"You could've been, but I honestly didn't care."

"But…I could've killed you!"

"I know."

"And you…didn't care?"

"No. It's hard to say I'm really living as it is, Misaki. If I die, it won't matter too much. The world will continue to spin on."

"…Don't say things like that. It would matter a lot if you died. I would miss you – and I'm sure your family would, too."

"I'm not so sure about that. My family has never been close – in fact, they probably don't even **know** if I'm dead or alive, right now. It wouldn't have a huge impact on their lifestyle if I were killed."

"What about your editor? She would miss you!"

"She would miss the money I make for her and her company." Misaki took his hand, squeezing it gently. "Calm down, kiddo. You didn't try to kill me and I didn't try to kill you, so no harm done, I guess."

"You know…I'm not going anywhere, Usagi-san." _It's like he can see straight into my heart and see all my doubts and fears…_Akihiko mused. "I will stay with you forever." Akihiko blinked and turned to stare at Misaki. Then he looked away.

"Don't make promises like that. Forever is a long time, kiddo." They got back to the apartment building to find a woman standing there. The second Misaki saw her, his eyes widened and he stopped walking. The woman had long black hair and sharp, obsidian eyes. Akihiko frowned slightly as she covered the distance between them and grabbed Misaki's hand.

"You're coming with me." Misaki pulled back in a half-hearted attempt to get away. "Misaki."

"Wh-why?" he asked, not even bothering to hide his distress. She glanced up at Akihiko then back down at Misaki's face.

"What's going on?" the author asked. "How do you know Misaki?"

"You could call me his guardian," the woman replied.

"He's eighteen, he doesn't have to-"

"I have to," it was Misaki that said this. Akihiko was shocked into silence. _He's leaving…just after what he said._ "I'm sorry." And before the older man could say anything, the woman was leading Misaki off, leaving Akihiko alone with the groceries.

_**April 23, 2006 – Writer's Journal Entry 1,126**_

_**Don't leave me alone!**_

_**Embrace me for eternity, heedless**_

_**As the world spins on.**_

_**Take my hand, and never let go.**_

_**How else am I to survive?**_

_**It has been ages since I last wrote an acrostic poem…my last was in middle school, I think. They're cheesy and over all pretty superficial, but this one wrote itself. It seemed like I was somehow talking about Misaki, then. It's been thirty-four hours since he left. I haven't slept, at all. I haven't done much of anything else either. I can't understand how one boy can come into my life and have this much impact. I hadn't realized how much light he brought, but now he's gone. He didn't say when – or if – he'd be back. He didn't take anything with him, but then again, I also found him with nothing. Who is that woman? How does she know Misaki? Why did he go with her? Isn't he the one that came to me? I didn't ask for him to come become my drug. But he did. He came and with his smiles and tears and innocence, I started to need him just to keep going…**_

**_My mind and heart have been in agony so long, I still can't feel the pain of his loss. I can feel the apathy that had slowly begun to recede now filling me again. But I'm numb. I need something. I need to feel…I need to feel something._ **

Akihiko shut his journal. He knew that train of thought – he'd followed it before and it had ended in several years' worth of scars on his arms. The desolate skeleton of a man let his eyes drift shut, recalling distinctly the feeling of what used to be his "favorite hobby." It wasn't pleasure – nothing nearly as sweet – but relief, like somehow that physical pain released the torture of his soul.

He stood up. It didn't matter, anyways. Takahiro had left him, and now Misaki was gone, too. No one would know. Why not indulge himself. His feet carried him to the kitchen. The whole world felt surreal and hazy. Hands moved of their own accord to open a drawer and take out a knife he vaguely recalled Misaki said was used to fillet fish. Pushing the thought from his head, the author took it over to the counter and rolled up his right sleeve, settling his arm over the sink. He hated leaving a mess of blood he'd have to clean up later. Eyes riveted to the pale, scarred flesh of his right forearm, Akihiko drew a thin red line across it with the tip of the knife. His breath came in sharp with pain and left deep with relief.

That familiar feeling of dismal appreciation wrapped its arms around him like an old friend. It took ahold of the knife and drew zig-zagged lines all up and down his arm. The violet-eyed man stared in total fascination as ruby liquid bubbled up from the cuts, slid down his arms, and swirled down the drain. His breathing became deep and ragged as he embraced the sweet, lingering sting of the knife's cold, sharp edge.

Suddenly he realized it had gone too far. As if on cue his head began to swim. Exhaustion from lack of sleep mixed with blood loss took over him, causing his vision to blur. He dropped the knife into the sink and stumbled backwards a little bit. He didn't hear the door opened or the footsteps sprinting towards the kitchen. He didn't hear a voice call his name. By that point, he'd already slumped to the floor, and by the time Misaki got into the kitchen, he was completely unconscious…

"Usagi-san…I'm so sorry. I'm so sorry I left. I never was going to leave you forever, you idiot…" Misaki's words started out quiet in Akihiko's ears then slowly got louder, more pronounced. His eyes cracked open. They were still on the kitchen floor – there was no way Misaki could carry Akihiko anywhere – but his arm had been wrapped in now crimson-stained bandages. The teen was sitting beside him, on the verge of tears.

"Misaki?" the author's voice cracked as he spoke. _Am I hallucinating?_ He wondered. The boy looked at him and smiled sadly, taking his face in his hands.

"I'm here…I'm sorry for leaving with no explanation, but I'm back now." _He's…he's back?_ Akihiko slowly sat up, a frown settling over his face. _What right does he have…to come and mess me up more than I already was? To just come and go, like this…jerking me around! _

"Why…?" he asked, trying to clear his still-buzzing head. Misaki sighed. "Who the hell are you?!" the author was suddenly, inexplicably furious. He was sick of the emotions this boy sent through him. The soaring hope and then crashing despair in an endless cycle. He was sick of being so dependent on him. "What give you a right to do this to me?!" Misaki reached out and took his hands, and he felt his anger subsiding.

"I know…I know…this is not how things were supposed to be."

"Supposed to be?"

"I wasn't…allowed to tell you before, but now I can so please listen carefully and don't hate me." The eighteen-year-old took a deep breath. "My name is Takashi Misaki. I died ten years ago in a car accident. I was brought back as an angel so and came to you to keep you from killing yourself." Akihiko stared, unable to comprehend what was just being said. Then…slowly, he understood. _An angel? Is this some kind of sick joke?!_ "I'm not joking. H-here…see…" Misaki began to unbutton his shirt. Akihiko stared as the shirt fell to the floor and Misaki closed his eyes. He seemed to pulse for a moment before he flung his head back with a soft cry and white, feathery wings exploded from his back. The author's jaw dropped open. "See?"

"But…M-Misaki died when he was eight years old. Do angels age?"

"Not exactly. Not everyone becomes an angel. We are chosen for a purpose – mine was to save you – and with that, we assume characteristics that are best suited for that purpose. I guess eight-year-old me didn't stand a chance of giving you a better life."

"So…everything that's happened now…was any of it real?"

"All of it was real! Usagi-san just because I'm supposed to save your life doesn't mean I don't want to. The reason that woman came to get me was because I left early…I was only supposed to meet you for the first time today, but I couldn't wait…seeing you like you were." He placed a hand on Akihiko's chest. "Because I'm your guardian angel, everything you feel…I feel. I can see your doubts, your fears, your pain. And when I touch you…I take some of it from you, for a while. I can share your load. So please don't send me away."

"Is that why you were always hugging me and grabbing my hand?"

"I like you, Usagi-san. I want to help you. Let me help you."

"How else…do you affect me? What part of my feelings are a product of…this." He gestured to the wings. Misaki cringed a tiny bit.

"I can't create feelings, if that's what you mean. Besides, until I met you I didn't know what lust was – I still have the soul of an eight-year-old, after all. But you're more comfortable around me. It's probably why you let me stay at your place, even though you didn't know me. I don't really know all of it myself. I was in the middle of training when I ran away to find you."

"So that day in the park…?"

"Was my first time out of heaven. And of course, because you can see my wings, I couldn't fly, so I kind of had to just jump and…hope I landed in the right spot…I actually didn't mean to fall **on** you, but that dumb tree got in my way." Akihiko couldn't help but chuckle a little bit, his anger completely faded, now. "I would've told you, but the first rule was never to let anyone know who you are, so…I figured it was there for a reason."

"Why are you telling me this, now, then?"

"Because, um…well…" The angel blushed looking away. "If you…eh…f-fall in love…with a human you're obligated to not only tell them everything but y-you are supposed to stay with them…their whole life…s-so…" _Fall in love? _Akihiko stared in shock and then smiled a little. _Stay with them their whole life?_

"Can I…touch them?" Misaki blushed slightly and nodded, scooting closer. Akihiko grabbed him and pulled him down against him in a hug. "Here, this will make it easier," he murmured. Misaki's face brought a new meaning to the word red as he nodded and hid his face in the older man's chest. Akihiko reached out and stroked one hand along the bony ridge of one wing. The angel shuddered in response. "Does it feel uncomfortable?" Akihiko asked.

"N-no…it f-feels good." The author nodded, allowing himself a small smile. Misaki was just so cute when he stuttered like that, in that pitifully small voice. A soft sigh escaped the older man. The feathers were so soft and slightly warm, and with Misaki pressed against his chest, like that, he was fairly certain he was as close to happy as he ever could be.

* * *

Ahh, sorry, everyone. I'm soooo cheesy and sappy and whatever, but here it is. Thank you, everyone, for the reviews and support. I want to especially thank Blaysers for his particularly helpful review. I really appreciate constructive criticism.


	5. Snow

_**May 5, 2006 – Writer's Journal Entry 1,138**_

_**Misaki shivered in the cold of the winter evening, arms wrapped tightly around himself. There was nothing around him, only silence on that empty street, broken only by the crunching of his own shoes on those tiny, white crystals. How had he ended up like this? Out in the cold, no had, no coat, no scarf, no gloves…no nothing except a thin, blue button-up, his jeans, and a pair of sneakers. He finally stopped walking, wriggling his toes to try to get some feeling in them. Nothing. The only thought that ran through his head at that moment was: Oh, God, I am going to die out here. He closed his eyes, letting the flakes of white gather on his eyelashes. Suddenly, a heavy warmth dropped around his shoulders. He spun and looked around.**_

"_**A-Akihiko," he whispered, shocked. **_

"_**You look cold." The larger man wrapped his arms around the boy, tugging his coat more firmly around those narrow shoulders. "What are you doing out here?"**_

"_**I…don't remember…" Misaki replied with a dry chuckle. **_

"_**Come on. I'll take you home." Misaki bit his lip, looking up at Akihiko through his long eyelashes, an adorable blush dusting his cheeks. Completely unaware of how seductive he looked as he followed the older man into the car. They went back to Akihiko's house and inside. Misaki stopped in the entryway, still shivering as his ex-boyfriend removed his coat. "You're freezing," Akihiko murmured, wrapping his arms around Misaki. "And your shirt is soaked." He turned the boy around and began to unbutton his shirt, quickly pushing it off his shoulders and letting it fall to the ground with a wet slapping sound. **_

"_**S-so cold…" Misaki murmured, looking up at his former lover. "Aki-!" Before he could finish, the older man had his lips pressed to Misaki's slightly parted one.**_

"_**Are you cold here?" he whispered into his mouth. The younger nodded, the slightest movement of his chin. Lips merged again, tongues twisting together. Slowly, Akihiko make his way to Misaki's neck. "And here?"**_

"_**Mmm…" The boy's response was little more than a whimper. They had promised each other this would stop. But old habits die hard and addictions have iron grasps. His mouth meandered to the boy's collar bone as he gently lowered them both to the ground. **_

"_**Here too?" Long, slim fingers threaded into his hair, curling loosely as he dropped a fiery trail of kisses to the boy's chest. The heat of Akihiko's mouth in sharp contrast to the chill of his skin burned Misaki, arching his body and causing him to writhe in pleasure… Akihiko looked up at his love. "I love you, Misaki…I should never have let you go." **_

_**Well…this is hopefully the starts of a scene in my newest BL novel. Misaki has yet to discover these…I hope he doesn't freak out when he figures out I'm using him, but he's the only person I've used so far that has felt…right. This is the first time since my first one that Aikawa-san hasn't had to force me to write the BL novels. Anyways, Misaki's home from grocery shopping. I can hear him in the kitchen. I want to go see him, but I feel lethargic – as always. **_

Akihiko abruptly stopped writing when his bedroom door opened and Misaki came in. He shut his journal, setting it on the nightstand. The angel carried a plate of apple slices as he made his way over to the bed and sat down beside his landlord.

"You know, it's bad for your eyes to write in the dark," he murmured.

"I know, I just…"

"Didn't feel like moving enough to reach over and turn on the lamp?" There was no sarcasm or mockery in his voice when he asked this, only gentle compassion and a hint of sadness. Akihiko nodded. "You hungry? I cut you some apple…"

"Thanks, but-"

"If I feed you…will you eat?"

"Y…yes."

"Good." He lifted his head so Misaki could give him a slice of apple. "It's not good to eat while lying on your stomach." Sighing, Akihiko sat up.

"Happy?" He was rewarded with a huge smile and immediately decided it was worth it to get his butt moving a little bit, if it would earn him that grin. He leaned over and kissed Misaki firmly on the lips. "Thank you, Misaki." The boy blushed bright red and held up the apple slice to the author's lips. Akihiko took a bite. _He's so cute…and still, even after him telling me he loves me, we still haven't…done it. And for once, I'm actually in the mood…_he mused, the wheels in his head spinning rapidly, forming a plan to get Misaki into bed with him. Suddenly, it hit him. "Misaki…do you want to help me with something?" he asked slyly. The brunette looked up, surprised.

"Sure, what is it?" he asked, looking rather pleased.

"It's some research for one of my stories."

"Really?! What can I do?" Akihiko chuckled softly, relishing the rush of energy that washed through his body.

"Kiss me." Misaki blushed deeply.

"H-how is that research?"

"Writing is about capturing experiences. Trust me, Misaki…" His young lover nodded slowly and scooted closer, setting the plate down on the nightstand. Visibly nervous, he licked his lips anxiously before leaning in and pressing them softly against Akihiko's. The author slid one hand around the back of Misaki's neck, drawing the boy further towards him. His tongue slipped out, requesting entrance to the younger's mouth, which – to his absolute delight – was granted. Fingers fumblingly slid up under the angel's shirt, rubbing slow circles into his stomach, sides, and chest. He felt the skin quiver at his touch, spine arching gracefully. Reluctantly, he disengaged his mouth just long enough to get the shirt off before it was right back over Misaki's, his tongue tasting all over the younger's mouth.

"Mmmph…" the angel moaned softly, hands coming up to clutch onto Akihiko's shirt. The author broke the kiss and trailed his lips down to find his lover's neck, sucking lightly. "U-Usagi-s-san…" Misaki stammered weakly, eyes hooded with desire. "W-what is this feeling?" By this point the brunette was almost in his lap, allowing Akihiko to feel his fast growing arousal. He smirked as his lips meandered down to find Misaki's collarbone.

"That…Misaki," he purred. "Is lust."

"L-lust?"

"How does it feel?"

"Like I'm melting…" The author's lips found one of his young lover's nipples, and he sucked it into his mouth, drawing a sharp gasp from the boy, who arched impossibly with the sheer sensation of it. He gently urged Misaki to lie down, which he did, and crawled over him, still licking, nipping, and sucking on that pert bud in his mouth. The boy's finger's now reached up to curl into his hair. The author drew away and stripped off his shirt, tossing it carelessly aside into the darkness of his room.

"Misaki it's been so long…since I've been excited by something like this…enough to initiate," he confessed softly. "You make me feel alive, again." He then ducked his head to attack the boy's mouth with his own, not minding at all the ungainly slurping sounds and he tried to take as much of that wonderful taste into his mouth as he could. He dropped his hips to roll them against his lover's, once again drawing a gasp from him.

"Ah! W-what was that?"

"Did you like that?"

"Y-yes…" Akihiko rolled his hips again, harder, provoking more of a reaction. "Oh…" Misaki moaned. His older lover hastily removed the rest of their clothing. The angel tried to cover himself, but Akihiko pinned his hands over his head.

"Don't…you're beautiful. Let me see you," he murmured. Releasing the boy's wrists, he slowly kissed down his neck and chest to his stomach, where he dipped his tongue into his navel, swirling it teasingly. Slowly, cautiously as to not alarm Misaki from his pleasure-hazy state, he took the boy's member into his mouth. His lover gasped and moaned and arched, tossing his head from side to side.

"Usagi-san!" Misaki wasn't too big, so it wasn't hard for Akihiko to fit it all into his throat if he just pushed aside his gag reflex a little. He bobbed his head, hollowing out his cheeks. "Usa-usagi…san…I…I feel…" He stopped, pulling away.

"Not yet, my love. I promise you, you can come as many times as you want tonight, but let's just get this started, first."

"S-started?" Misaki whimpered. Akihiko reached over into his nightstand and fumbled around for a bottle of lube he kept. Well, he hadn't used it in a long time, but he'd kept it just in case. Now, he squeezed a good amount onto his fingers and rubbed them until they were thoroughly lubricated.

"This will probably hurt a little, but I swear…it will be worth it, okay?" Misaki met his eyes, and what the author saw in his lover's face was complete and total trust.

"Okay." Nodding, he rubbed one finger against the boy's entrance for a minute before pushing it inside.

"Are you okay?" Akihiko asked, wiggling his finger around.

"Y-yeah…it just feels weird…" The older man pumped his finger in and out, getting Misaki used to it. And then, at length, he inserted another finger, causing the angel to gasp softly with pain. "It's okay," he quickly assured him. Slowly, Akihiko began to scissor his fingers, stretching his lover thoroughly before adding a third finger, drawing forth a soft hiss. "It's okay."

"I'm sorry, my love. It's almost over." While he prepared the boy, his fingers sought for that spot inside him.

"AH! Th-that!...Again…that…!" Akihiko smirked. Found it.

"That's your prostate gland," he murmured, rubbing his finger against that spot in small, languid circles.

"U-Usagi-san! Ana—ana—tomy lesson….later!" Akihiko chuckled and withdrew his fingers, quickly lubing up his own arousal.

"Hold onto me, Misaki, this is going to hurt." His lover obeyed, sitting up and wrapping his arms around him. Slowly, as gently as humanly possible, Akihiko pushed inside that tight, hot passage. Misaki practically screamed. It hurt. It hurt worse than anything he could've imagined. It felt like he was being torn in two. At last, the author managed to get all the way inside, and he just stayed still, holding Misaki close and stroking his hair comfortingly. It took every ounce of his willpower to keep from moving. _God, he's so tight and hot and perfect…it's almost painful, it feels so good!_ A last, he lay his lover down.

"I feel…so full," Misaki whispered, tears trailing down his cheeks. Akihiko kissed them away, murmuring soothingly. "It's okay…to move now…isn't that…what you do?" The older man nodded, drew back half way, and slowly pushed back in. And again…and again…gradually increasing the length of his strokes.

"Are you okay?" he asked.

"It…it's starting to feel good…" Misaki breathed. Akihiko smiled. He brushed up against the boy's prostate again, causing him to go rigid with pleasure.

"There we go," the author breathed, speeding up a bit. "Misaki…you're so tight…around me…you feel amazing." Faster – he didn't dare go harder on Misaki's first time – but faster he could do, and they needed it.

"U-Usagi-san…I feel…"

"It's okay…come for me." Misaki arched off the bed, screaming out his lover's name as he climaxed. Bright, white wings exploded from his back and Akihiko caught him to keep him from falling back to the bed and crushing them. In out in out in out faster faster faster. He felt the angel come down from his high, his member already halfway back to life. The boy was whimpering and moaning and keening out his pleasure as Akihiko hit that bundle of nerves in him every, single time. The author felt himself nearing the end, his stomach coiling in a tight mass of heat that would snap at any moment. His movements became jerkier, and he also felt Misaki's muscles twitching around him, signaling the boy was ready for his second release. "I love you, Misaki," he moaned softly into his ear, and that did it for him. The angel hit his second peak that night, throwing his head back.

"Akihiko!" His contracting muscles pushed the older man over the edge, and he released deep inside his small lover, gentling his motions as he was milked for all he had. He then pulled out of the boy, rolled them over, and collapsed, so Misaki was on top of him. _Can clean up after a short rest,_ he decided wearily. It would seem that he had no issues whatsoever falling asleep after sex, for within moments, he was drifting off into slumber.

Misaki sat up a little, smiling at Akihiko's face. Timidly, he placed a shy kiss on the man's cheek, combing his fingers through that soft, silvery-brown hair. (A/N: I actually never really know how to describe Akihiko's hair color – silver/grey makes him sound like…60, and it's not really brown….)

"I love you too, Usagi-san," he whispered. "I will always take care of you."

* * *

Sorry, it's been a while since I've updated - I've gotten really busy with school work, recently - running around like a chicken with my head cut off! Anyways, I wasn't even going to write this scene, but I needed to de-stress and ~shrug~ anyways, here it is. Thank you all for being patient. I probably won't post on this one for a bit, again, because I've got to work on my other two stories, as well, but give it a few days (a week at the ABSOLUTE most) and I'm sure I can get something up. Thanks!


	6. Mine

**_June 18_****_th_****_, 2006 – Writer's Journal Entry 1,182_**

**_He had not the nature of a being of flesh. His nature was that of light and fire and brilliance. He was hot cocoa on cold nights and iced-tea on hot, summer days. He was warm embraces and the feeling of flying. He was soft, sweet kisses in the dark, melting in my mouth. He was kind, gentle words when the world was too painful to bear. He was not ice or stone or apathy. He was not closed curtains or a dark bedroom. He was not 4 AM, alone and sleepless. He was not the sweet, sharp edge of a knife. Nor was he a broken heart or shattered dream. He was not ordered-in pasta or day-old, reheated coffee. He was not the cold surface of a mirror, reflecting all my doubts and fear._**

**_He was mercy. Kind, sweet, beautiful, shining, loving…mine._**

**_That was my umpteenth time trying to describe Misaki – even capture some glimmer of what he is, but, like all the others I've failed. Every day he amazes me more and more. Even after all this time, when I get on a low, he doesn't sigh or walk away or complain. He gently, lovingly coaxes me out of my depression with feather-soft, butterfly kisses and kind whispers. I can't even begin to wrap my mind around him. Though he fits nicely in my mouth, just fine. He'd probably blush if he knew that thought ran through my head. _**

**_But one of the things I like most about him is that with him, it's not all about sex. Of course, we have plenty of that, too, but often it's just about loving, no sexuality attached. It's about caring for someone so much it's hardly bearable. It's selfish, I know, but when he does things for me, goes out of his way for me, sacrifices anything for me, I feel so warm inside. My doctor says I should take my medicine still, but I only have to take one pill a day, so I don't have another episode. Every time I reach for the bottle, I see Misaki frown slightly. I wonder if he'd argue with my doctor about it…he almost beat up Aikawa when he first met her._**

**_She was trying to beat the rest of my novel out of me. Somehow, she doesn't seem to understand that I need to be alive and conscious to write anything. Anyways, Misaki came home from the grocery store as she's whacking me over the head with a magazine or something, and he full-out panicked. He ran over to her and grabbed me, putting his adorable little body between me and the "danger." I've never seen her shocked speechless, but she just stood there, staring at him, until he told her that if she wanted to hurt me, she'd have to go through him. Now, she started laughing, which I think embarrassed him a little, but it was so cute I could've died. And it's things like that which make me happy._**

Akihiko drew a big "x" over his attempt to describe Misaki and shut his journal. He had done the same for enough, already. Sighing, the author stood up. _When is he coming home. Hasn't he been at the grocery store long enough? _he mused. _Why, oh why, didn't I ever give him a cell phone? I'll do that tomorrow._

Misaki grinned his delight as he hurried down the street back home. He had the perfect surprise for his landlord. He turned a corner and noticed someone following him at a distance. Frowning a little, he stopped walking…only to see the other person stop as well. Confused, the angel walked over to him.

"Hello. Can I help you?"

"Excuse me?"

"You were following me. Is there something I can do for you?" The boy shot him an award-winning smile.

"I just…I saw you…and thought you were really cute. I wanted to make sure you got home safely. Kids like you shouldn't walk around alone, so much. You make good targets for predators."

"…Oh. Well, thank you."

"I'm Sumi Keiichi, by the way."

"Oh, it's a pleasure to meet you, Sumi-san. My name's Misaki." The two fell into step as they headed back towards Akihiko's apartment.

"Let me help you carry your bags."

"Thank you!" Misaki handed him a few bags.

"This is a lot of stuff…is someone going to be baking?"

"I'm making a pie for my landlord."

"For your landlord? He must be very lucky to have such an attentive boarder. Or are you apologizing for something?"

"Huh? No…I just really want to see him smile when he gets it."

"Is that so? That's really sweet of you."

"Well, he's very kind to me."

"Who is your landlord?" Misaki hesitated. If he told him the situation – that he was living with Usagi-san – would it hurt the author's reputation? After all, it might look like something wrong was taking place. _And when I think that…I think of what we're doing. B-but is what we're doing wrong? It's fine…right? _He exhaled deeply.

"N-no one you know." They got to the apartment building.

"Well, I'll see you around, Misaki-kun!" The eighteen-year-old took back the groceries and headed upstairs.

"I'm home," he called as he came in, already heading towards the kitchen. He got about halfway there before Akihiko got to him and attacked him with a massive hug. "Careful! You're crush the eggs! Then I'll have to go out and get more." Akihiko reluctantly released him.

"Fine…just because I don't want you to leave, again," he grumbled. The boy chuckled and went to start putting things away.

"Did you get lonely without me?"

"Yes," the author deadpanned. "And worried. What took you so long? And you got so much…are we expecting company?"

"No. Have you finished your work?"

"…I ran out of things to write…"

"Usagi-san! You have to get this done or Aikawa-sensei will yell at you!"

"Let her yell."

"Usagi-san, go finish your work."

"But-!"

"No, buts. Until you finish your work. I won't even touch you." Akihiko's jaw dropped open. Then, huffing, he went up to his room to work. Misaki grinned. _Finally, now I can start the surprise – I was really counting on him not having done his work…_Rolling up his sleeves, he began to cook.

When Akihiko **finally** finished his work and came downstairs, he found it an entirely different setting than before. The lights were off, and candles were set out to provide light. The table was set with an elegant dinner of steamed vegetables, salmon, and wine for Akihiko – water for Misaki.

"M-Misaki…what's this?" Akihiko murmured, looking around.

"Congratulations on finishing your work, Usagi-san," Misaki replied, pulling out his chair for him. "That was the end of those revisions, right? Don't you send it to the publisher tomorrow?"

"…Yes, I do, but…"

"Do you like it?" Akihiko smiled, chuckling.

"I love it, Misaki." They sat down to eat. "So how has your day been?"

"Wonderful, thank you. I met this really nice man. Sumi Keiichi." Immediately, the author had his guard up.

"What did he say? What did he look like? Did he touch you? How did you meet him?" Misaki's soft laughter cut him off.

"Really, it was kind of weird at first – he was following me home. So I asked him why, and he said he wanted to make sure I got home safe, because I make a good target."

"He's right about that – you have to be careful when you go out."

"Usagi-san…I'll be fine. Anyways, so then he walked me here and even helped carry my bags. He was really friendly!"

"Maybe too friendly. Watch out for him, okay. And if he follows you, again, you should tell me or call the police."

"Call the police? I can't really do that Usagi-san. They'll ask me for a name or ID…what am I supposed to tell them?"

"…Right, well tell **me** then, okay?"

"Okay, if anything dangerous happens, I'll call you."

"Promise?"

"Promise."

"Good." They lapsed into silence until the end of dinner. But before the older man could get up, his young boarder was hurrying to the kitchen and bringing out a cherry pie for dessert. "You really went all out, Misaki. Why?" Akihiko asked, smiling.

"I love seeing you smile, Usagi-san. Do I need a reason…to do nice things for you?" the angel asked innocently.

"No, no you don't. I just…I was just surprised."

"Well, that was what it was meant to be." They chatted as they ate the pie, discussing whatever topic came to mind – the weather, plans for the future, favorite foods, Akihiko's novels, flitting from subject to subject until dessert was finished. Just before Misaki could start to clean up, though, Akihiko grabbed his hand.

"Misaki…you know…all this…has really gotten me in the mood…" he purred, pulling the boy into his lap.

"U-Usagi-san…the table and…the dishes."

"Let them wait. You see…I haven't finished my dessert yet."

"D-don't talk like that."

"Like what?"

"That!"

"I don't understand what you mean, Misaki." The author's hand slowly made it to the front of his victim's pants and began rubbing, drawing a gasp from the boy. "You're so sweet, Misaki…making a dinner like this for me. I could just eat you whole…" He smirked and nuzzled the boy's neck. "But I won't do that. No, no, no, no…I'm going to savor you all…night…long."

"Usagi-san…it's embarrassing when you say things like that!"

"Embarrassing? How is it embarrassing. It's only me and you here. There's no need to be embarrassed." Misaki pressed his fist to mouth, trying to suppress a moan as his lover's cold fingers now slipped beneath his waistband.

"Usa-Usagi…san…" he whimpered softly, unconsciously wriggling a little against the bulge in the older man's pants. Akihiko gasped lowly and hastily scooped the boy up, carrying him to his bedroom and laying him down. Within minutes, he had them both stripped of their clothing. He kissed Misaki's neck and then proceeded to make a mess of the poor boy, just as he'd promised, all night long.

The next day, Misaki awoke to find he'd been washed off and tucked neatly into bed. He was lying on his stomach, his wings still out and resting on top of the blankets. A large, cool hand was stroking them gently.

"Good morning, Misaki," Akihiko murmured.

"G-good morning…" the angel mumbled, flushing bright red.

"You know, you've only got yourself to blame for last night. You set the mood with that dinner and the candles and the pie and the wine and everything. You were full-out seducing me." The author grinned when his little lover looked up at him, absolutely shocked.

"W-what? I was not!"

"Deny it all you want, but you definitely did. Maybe you didn't mean to, but at least subconsciously, you were practically begging for me to take you, and later on…" Now Akihiko leaned down to press his lips to Misaki's ear. "You **did** beg for it."

"U-Usagi-san! Don't say those kinds of things."

"Oh, the way you moaned was just beautiful. And the way you constricted around me, pulling me deeper and deeper…stunning. And the way you arched and writhed beneath me...it was absolutely magnificent."

"Usagi-san! Stop it!" By now, Misaki was such a deep shade of red, he would've made a tomato look pale. He buried his face in the pillow but Akihiko gently turned his chin and kissed him softly.

"I love you, Misaki. And I love that you're mine." The boy huffed, scrambled out of bed, and ran to get dressed, leaving a very smug lover behind him. Grumbling, he got dressed and went down to make breakfast. He sighed and rubbed his back. _So sore…how many times did we do it last night?_ He wondered. _I don't think he went to sleep until three in the morning…I guess it's a good thing I don't actually need this sleep. It's a nice luxury, though…_ "Misaki." A voice startled him from his thoughts.

"Huh?"

"Let's go out…after breakfast. Let's just go to a park or something…"

"Sure." Misaki smiled. _He really is getting better. I'm so happy._ _But he's still taking those pills…I know the doctor says they're just a precaution, but…really…I don't think he'll need them, and they have all those side effects…_ They ate breakfast and left. Akihiko seemed eager to just get out of the house. Maybe it was because he'd been working for the past several days. Maybe he was getting restless? That would've been a big sign of improvement. _Come to think of it, most days, he's completely normal…like, not upset or depressed, _Misaki noted with a grin. He grabbed Akihiko's hand and squeezed it.

"You're in a good mood."

"I feel so much less sadness in you, than I did before. It makes me happy," the angel confessed.

"You know…it's because of you. You saved me, Misaki."

"Th-that's embarrassing." Suddenly, someone caught the boy's eye, and he did a double-take. He grinned. "Sumi-san!" he greeted the other man with a wave. Akihiko frowned slightly, his hand tightening around Misaki's. _Don't smile at that other man. You're mine._

"Misaki-kun! What are the chances of seeing you here?!" Keiichi cried, jogging over. Then, he looked up and met Akihko's eyes. "You're Usami Akihiko…" he commented.

"Yes."

"My father knows you."

"Sumi…ah the reporter. I remember him. Yes, he's done a few interviews with me," the author replied. "I want to thank you for seeing Misaki home safely, yesterday."

"No problem. He really is a delightful young man."

"Indeed…well, we'd best be on our way. Goodbye." The Akihiko basically dragged Misaki away in his haste to be rid of the other man. Keiichi watched them go, then, with a smirk, he followed at a distance, only one thought in his head. _Mine._


	7. Date

**_July 6_****_th_****_, 2006 – Writer's Journal Entry 1,200_**

**_Glittering icy flakes, swirling, dancing, prancing, sparkling in the soft, yellow glow of the lamplights like a snow globe. Feather light, butterfly kisses tickling for only an instant before they melt on my skin. Something there struck a chord, and I, the pathetic, hopeless muse that I am, could only gawk in wonder. The sheer beauty of it froze my words in my throat, stole the breath from my lungs, and glued the soles of my shoes to the pavement. For a moment I was wholly and completely enraptured, captivated. "Oh…"but no words could come. Just, "oh." BONG! The spell was broken as the clock chimed seven and I hurried off, hunching my shoulders against the cold, so I wouldn't be late for work._**

**_I remember this time…back when I was in university, when the beauty and majesty of the snow hit me over the head and left me gasping for breath at the wonder of it. In the middle of summer, here, I love thinking about the snow. Safe from it's cold, stinging bite, I enjoy it's shimmering glory. It has been so long since I last marveled at it. It's like for years I have been caught in a never ending maze, stumbling around in the dark with no guide and no way out. And suddenly, it's like it's all dropped away, and I'm free, again. _**

**_Despite this, however, my writing has stalled out…again. I'm trying to start on my next book – no rest for the wicked, they say – and Aikawa-san is breathing down my back about getting started early on it. I told her the problem, but she just keeps arguing that it's an excuse. Really, she's the one that asked me to write a normal date scene into my next BL novel, but I don't know anything about a normal date. I could ask Misaki to go on a date with me, but he's probably still traumatized from when he discovered the BL novel, two days ago._**

**_He stumbled across one in my room – of course, I knew he'd find out eventually – and opened it. At first, he was just shocked and confused then…well, I don't really know. He just dropped it, his jaw hanging open, and then ran away and shut himself in his room. Yesterday, he acted like nothing was different – like he'd never heard of the BL novels, and I haven't brought them up, yet, so I don't know how he's really feeling. Is he disgusted? Angry? Frightened? I think the reaction I fear most is disgust. If that's how he feels, then no doubt that's how he feels about the rest of our relationship, and if that's how it is…I don't want to go down that path. _**

**_That Sumi guy keeps hanging around. It's bothersome. We see him almost every time we go out – and apparently Misaki sees him when he's out on his own, too. It makes me nervous. Misaki is so trusting, but it's obvious the man has bad intentions for him. Well, if he's going to try to steal Misaki from me, he should think again. I will never let that happen. _**

"Usami-sensei! Scribbling away in that journal is **not** going to help you write this novel!" Aikawa-sensei snapped, combing her fingers through her bright red hair. Her scarlet lips pulled into a scowl.

"I told you, I have no experience with this scene, how am I supposed to write it?!" Akihiko snapped back, shutting his journal. Suddenly, the editor's face lit up. "Don't do that – it's scary!"

"Don't do what?"

"Look happy and eager like that."

"Misaki-kun!" the woman sung out, and the boy came running. He smiled at her, licking batter from his fingers.

"Yes?"

"I was hoping you could do me a favor."

"Sure! What is it?"

"I need you to go out on a date with Usami-sensei." Misaki flushed bright red and stared, his lips parting in shock.

"W-what? Why?"

"He needs to know what it's like to go on a real date – for this novel he's writing."

"Y-you mean one of **those** novels?" She blinked, confused.

"Yes," Akihiko intervened, watching closely for his lover's reaction. The boy's face was withdrawn, brows furrowed as he contemplated deeply.

"…Alright, then. But I've never been on a date, before." Aikawa launched at Misaki, hugging him tightly.

"Oh, thank you!" she cried. "And don't worry! It's as natural than breathing!"

"R-right…"

"You're an angel, darling!" Akihiko couldn't suppress a snicker at the irony of the statement. "So, I have the whole night planned out!"

"A-already?" both the author and the boarder asked. Aikawa shot them a devious grin. _As if I haven't noticed the way they look at each other,_ she thought. _All these two need is a good push to get them into a relationship. And they're perfect for each other!_

"Yes, the aquarium, then there's this great little restaurant, then I thought you'd go to a movie and finish by visiting the faire in town."

"That seems like…quite a day…" Akihiko commented. "Are you sure we should do so much?" Aikawa grinned.

"Of course! Trust me, it's perfect!"

"If you say so…"

"So, go get dressed up nicely and go on your date. It's still morning, so you've got plenty of time. By the time you get done, I'll have your whole itinerary written out." And with that, she shoved them both upstairs to get changed. Because she was already turned around and writing down their itinerary, however, she didn't notice that they both went into the same room. _After this, there's no way they won't fall for each other!_ She gloated. _Just call me the Matchmaker!_

"Hey, Usagi-san…you don't think she's trying to get us together, is she?" Misaki asked softly as he picked out an outfit for his date. Akihiko stared for a moment. _Oh…_he realized. _Well, she's always been very intrusive on my life, I guess it's only natural that she'd try to get me together with the one that lifted me out of my depression, like this…_His face split into a grin, and then he burst out laughing, throwing his head back as his shoulders shook with helpless peals of laugher.

"Well," he managed at last, wiping tears of mirth from his eyes. "She's only about three months or so too late." He leaned over and kissed Misaki's bare shoulder as the boy changed. "You know…she'd probably faint if she knew the kinds of things that take place in this room."

"U-Usagi-san!" the angel protested.

"Still, it was nice of her to arrange this date for us. It will be our first real date, right?" The author smirked down at his blushing angel. Then, he became serious. "Misaki…about those books…do they…upset you?"

"W-well…they're embarrassing, but…but I…I'm not angry or anything."

"Do you want me to stop?"

"N-no…I don't mind…" Akihiko let out a soft sigh of relief. "I just was surprised…and the kinds of scenes you write…" Misaki's face gave new meaning to the word red. "They're so embarrassing and dirty. I-is that the kind of thing…you want me to do?" Akihiko sighed, chuckling.

"My love, I don't want you to do or be anything other than what you already are. You are perfect just like this."

"Good. I was worried you…you know…weren't satisfied…with me." The author laughed and shook his head, starting to choose and outfit for himself.

"You are the single best thing that has ever happened to me in my entire life, Misaki." The angel, having no response to this, just ducked his head and finished changing. By the time they got done, Aikawa was gone, leaving their itinerary on the coffee table. The older man picked it up and examined it. "Well, she's got a busy day planned for us, so why don't we go ahead and get started?"

"Sure. Where to, first?"

"The aquarium." They got into the car and drove off. "Have you ever been to the aquarium?" Akihiko asked, trying to imagine what it would be like if this were a blind date with a stranger he knew nothing about.

"No. I always wanted to, but our family never had time and then…" he trailed off.

"Sorry."

"Don't be. It's fine, I just…it's just weird to talk about it." Silence loomed between them, suddenly awkward because of the new situation. Misaki's gaze shifted over to the violet-eyed author, who was staring intently at the road. He could see it, glimmering inside him, building and forcing its way to the surface – taking over the melancholy and apathy that before had consumed him. It was bright, hot, white, searing. _Desire…Lust…Hunger…is that all?_ A twinge of fear touched Misaki's heart. Ever since he'd read that book – that highly over-sexualized novel – he had this nagging fear that all his lover felt was lust. Of course, he would never bring it up, and even if that's all Akihiko felt, he would stay with the author forever. Even if it hurt, even if it broke him, he would stay with Akihiko until he breathed his last. But still…he wanted the man to **love** him. He wanted to know that he was needed for more than his body. Of course, the author told him all the time that he loved him – so much it was embarrassing, but words didn't make it so, right?

"Misaki?" The angel jumped as Akihiko opened the door for him. He hadn't noticed that they'd stopped and the older man had already gotten out. Blushing, he unbuckled and got out. "Are you okay?"

"Huh? Yeah. Just thinking." He glanced over at Akihiko again, focusing on that brilliant heat. _I can't tell…what it is._ The two of them headed into the aquarium, Misaki staring around at the tanks full of glimmering, colorful, shimmering fish and Akihiko staring at Misaki. "This is amazing!" the boy cried delightedly, pressing his hand to the glass. "They're so beautiful."

"I'm glad you like it."

"Have you ever been here, before?"

"Yes, a few times." He smiled and grabbed Misaki's hand. "But this time is definitely the best." He smirked at his lover's furious blush.

"D-don't say those kinds of things in public!" Before he could argue, the angel was hurrying off to see the jellyfish tank. Chuckling, Akihiko followed him. Neither noticed a certain brown-haired man lurking a bit away by the shark tank. Scowling as he watched the boy grin up at the author, Keiichi advanced a few steps. _Mine._

After the aquarium, Misaki and Akihiko were scheduled to go to a nice, little café for lunch. They chose a nice, secluded little table in the patio behind the restaurant and tried to make small talk as if they were on a real date. However, neither one could really manage to eat too much. This felt so weird and unnatural. Sure it was fun, doing nice things together that they normally never did, but it felt so forced. Really, what they both wanted, though only one of them (and it's no secret which) would admit it, for them to be in bed or on the couch or sprawled across the floor or just about anywhere else, enjoying a good romp.

"You know, Misaki," the author began slowly. "We could ditch this…" he waved the itinerary in the boy's face. "We could go home and enjoy ourselves…" Misaki stared for a long time, his heart sinking. _So all he wants is sex?_ He thought despairingly. _But you want it, too,_ a small voice inside his head reminded him. He kicked it hard in the gut and shoved it somewhere into the depths of his mind.

"No, this is to help you write that scene, remember?"

"But it isn't working…"

"Give it a shot, Usagi-san. Aikawa-sensei worked hard on this, so we owe it to her to go through with it."

"But we're going to waste the whole day, like this."

"No we won't. Come on, what's next?"

"A movie." Misaki stood up.

"Let's go, then." Sighing, the older man obeyed. _I don't feel close to you, like this Misaki. And something's bothering you, and I can't tell what. I want to hold you and kiss you and make you forget all your worries,_ he thought sadly. _But if this is what you really want…_Neither of them noticed a certain journalist's son following them, lips twisted into a frown.

The movie they ended up seeing was some awful chick-flick that neither of them wanted to see. The dialogue was bad enough to make the author roll his eyes about every other word and stifle the urge to point out just how bad it was. The plot was sappy and almost nonexistent. (A/N: a little like this story, haha) And the acting was worse than the writing. All in all, it totally sucked. _This is an utter failure…_both of them realized at about the same time. When they got out, Akihiko checked their schedule.

"Just the faire and then dinner," he sighed his relief. Misaki nodded slowly. _And then he takes me home and to bed. I wonder how he'll want it today…I'm guessing slow and gentle. _He glanced over at the bright light consuming Akihiko and swallowed. Again, neither of them noticed, as they headed towards faire, that they were being tailed. As they reached the fairgrounds, Keiichi cracked a malicious smile.

Misaki found this to be the best part of the day, so far. The aquarium had been kind of nice, but fish were only so interesting, so after an hour and a half of them, the novelty had worn off. But the faire was great. His hand carefully nestled in Akihiko's, no rush to do anything, just fine walking around and seeing everything…it was wonderful. Just before they were supposed to leave, he glanced at the Ferris Wheel. Actually, he'd been looking at it for the full two hours they'd been there. Akihiko, of course, had noticed, and he chose now to say something. After all, they could have dinner late.

"Want to go on the Ferris Wheel?" he asked. "In one of my novels, there's this little scene in one that drives Aikawa crazy."

"U-Usagi-san!"

"Calm down. Let's go. You've been staring at it this whole time. Clearly you want to go on, it so let's."

"O-okay, but…"

"But? Are you afraid of heights?" Now the eighteen-year-old turned to stare at him like he's an idiot.

"Why would I be afraid of heights?" he demanded, adding in a low whisper, "I can fly." Akihiko smiled and took him to the Ferris Wheel without replying. Honestly, in his head, it was a very romantic thing to do – even if none of the steaminess that happened in his BL novels took place. Being alone with the one you love, staring out over the city, watching the sunset…He sighed blissfully as they got into one of the capsules and sat down. Misaki stared out as they ascended, his lips parted in wonder. "Somehow…looking from heaven was never like this."

"What was it like?" Akihiko asked.

"…Depressing."

"What?"

"Seeing you and Nii-san struggling…writhing in your anguish and being unable to **do** anything. I couldn't stand it. I wanted…so badly…to be down here…with you." Akihiko snatched his and up and kissed it.

"When you say things like that…it makes me wonder what I did to deserve you…there's no way…" Akihiko confessed. Misaki smiled warmly.

"I'm glad you want me." They both returned their gazes to the city beyond the glass. At length, the ride came to an end and they got off. As they headed back to the car, hand in hand, they became aware of someone approaching them out of the darkness.

"Sumi-san? What are you doing here?" Misaki asked, his hand slipping out of Akihiko's. The other man smirked.

"Fancy meeting you here…" His smile disappeared. "You know, it always irked me that Usami-sensei never went out without you, Misaki."

"What are you talking about?"

"So I figured…it's best to just get you out of the way entirely, Misaki." Akihiko frowned. _What is he saying? Is he saying it's __**me**__ he was after, all this time?_ "So I'll give you an option, kiddo. Give up Usami-sensei to me or I'll take him by force."

"What are you saying?" the author demanded, reaching for his lover. "You can't just take people." Keiichi, however, grabbed Misaki and yanked him away from Akihiko.

"Sexuality first – feelings will come later. Isn't that how you did it with Misaki?" The angel gasped, shocked and angry. _I trusted him! What is he talking about? He was my friend!_

"That's not true! It wasn't like that!" He tried to pull away only for Keiichi to shove him back and whip out a gun, pointing it at him. Akihiko's eyes widened and he lost his ability to think rationally. In an instant he was moving, pushing his way past the man holding the gun to get to his young lover. There was an ear-splitting bang and then stillness. Then…the author slumped forward, a large patch of red bleeding through the back of his shirt, just below his left shoulder. "Usagi-san!" Misaki gasped, clutching him as he slowly lowered him to the ground. The patter of feet told him the culprit had fled, but he couldn't care less about that right now. "Usagi-san!"


	8. Love

**_July 7_****_th_****_, 2006 – Writer's Journal Entry 1,201_**

**_Um…this is Misaki writing. Last night, when Usagi-san got shot, I called the police and they sent an ambulance. Right now, he's unconscious. I stayed with him the whole night in the hospital, and asked Aikawa-san to bring me his notebook, today – which she did. I feel like…he worked so hard on this notebook, so I don't want him to miss a day. I don't really know what to write…or what Usagi-san usually writes in here, but I feel like I should write something, at least. _**

**_The doctor says he's not stable, yet. I feel like this is all my fault. I shouldn't have trusted Sumi-san. I never thought he would do something like that. But why did Usagi-san even get in the way? I'm already dead, so that gun couldn't have done anything to me. He's such an idiot…and now they don't even know if he'll make it or not. Why does everyone around me die? Mom and Dad…now Usagi-san too? I don't get it. I was supposed to save him, and yet here I am, sitting helplessly beside his bed, just waiting to see if he'll get better. _**

**_Well…Usagi-san, you have to get better. I'm supposed to save you. You're not supposed to die, yet. I was just getting you to be happy. I see now…that light that was in you, that I thought was desire and lust…I was wrong. That was love, so please wake up so I can tell you. You still have to finish this journal. I still hardly know you. And I don't want you to die. I love it, here, with you. So dying isn't an option. I love you. I love you I love you I love you I LOVE YOU_**

Misaki stopped writing as two splotches of water fell onto the page. He shut the journal and set it aside, trying to stop the flow of tears spilling down his cheeks. Weakly, he reached out and grabbed Akihiko's hand , lacing his fingers with the older man's. He looked so terribly pale and weak and frail. This wasn't how he was ever supposed to look.

"Usagi-san you idiot. Why did you do that?" Misaki whimpered moving to sit on the edge of the bed. "You're so stupid. I would've been fine! This is all my fault! Usagi-san…please wake up and get better." All that could be heard after that was the quiet weeping of a young angel and the beeping and whirr of machines, keeping the author alive. He sat there just crying for hours, clutching his lover's hand as if he would slip away if he let go. The boy was still like that when the door opened and Takahiro came in. The man stood there for a long moment before he realized Misaki was much to preoccupied to notice him. He cleared his throat loudly. Misaki started, turning to stare at Takahiro.

"I heard what happened – the hospital called," he explained. "I thought I would come visit. How are you holding up?"

"He's not dead yet! Don't talk like that!"

"Wh-what? Talk like what? This just…can't be easy for you. You were staying with him, right? I can see you two were very close." Misaki nodded, still clutching Akihiko's hand. "I, um, brought him some flowers. I'll just set them over here." Misaki nodded.

"Thanks."

"He'll be okay. You'll see." Now Misaki fully met his eyes for the first time.

"Is that what you said when I-when your brother was hospitalized after the car accident? Did you say he would be okay? Was he?" Takahiro sighed. "…Sorry. That was mean of me. I know you…you were only trying to help."

"I know. It's okay. You're just upset."

"H-he only got shot…because he was protecting me."

"Misaki – it is not your fault. Don't ever think otherwise. There is only one person to blame here, and that's the man that shot that gun, okay?" Misaki nodded, but mainly just because he didn't want to hear a lecture about it, not because he believed it. After a long moment, Takahiro sighed and walked away, leaving the angel and his lover alone, again.

"I'm sorry…Usagi-san…" he whispered weakly, choking on his own words. "I'm so sorry!" Trembling, he leaned up and placed a soft kiss on Akihiko's lips. "I love you."

**_August 20_****_th_****_, – Writer's Journal Entry 1,245_**

**_Usagi-san has been in a coma forty-four days, now. The doctor doesn't let me stay all the time, so I just turned myself invisible, so now only Usagi-san can see me…well, he could if he were awake. They say he's stable, but he's not showing any signs of improvement past that. I want to be here, when he wakes up. I spend a lot of time curled up in bed with him. Some tiny part of me – the romantic, irrational part – thinks that if I stay close enough with him, eventually he'll wake up to come back to me. It's pretty stupid, I know, but I can't help but hope – right? Besides, I think he'd smile if he knew I was staying in bed with him. He'd like that. I don't really know what else to right. I'm pretty sure I've already reminisced more than enough in the past forty-three pages. Maybe I'll just call it a day, for today. _**

Misaki shut the journal and set it aside. He smiled gently at Akhiko's unconscious face, as if the man were just sleeping. Leaning forward, he kissed him gently, as he did every night and morning. It was kind of stupid, he knew, treating the author like he was actually awake and knew what was happening, but he couldn't stop doing that. If he stopped, it would be like he was giving up on him.

"I love you, Usagi-san. I…" his voice cracked. "I'll wait forever, you know." He kissed him again, more fiercely, this time. "So please come back to me." He continued to press kisses all over Akihiko's face. "I love you, so much."

Akihiko felt something…warm…caresses? No…that was lips. He struggled to disengage himself from the blackness, clawing his way out. Someone was talking to him…had been talking to him. He caught snippets of it. Lamenting. I love you. Come back. I'm sorry. Usagi-san. What? He struggled for a moment. Who was talking to a rabbit? Why? Usagi-san… "I love you, Usagi-san." _Usagi-san…that's me! Misaki!_ He forced his eyes open, suddenly become aware of the world around him. Misaki's lips were settled lightly against his own, so the boy noticed when he gasped.

"M-Misaki…" he whispered. The angel burst into tears even as his lips parted in a smile. He leaned forward and buried his face in Akihiko's chest.

"Usagi-san! Y-you're awake!" he sobbed.

"Sorry for keeping you waiting. Are you okay?"

"Am **I **okay?! You were in a coma! I'm fine! That stupid gun couldn't have hurt me! You idiot! Why did you do something like that?!"

"I panicked…"

"Never do that, again!"

"Sorry."

"Don't apologize, idiot!"

"So—fine, then what should I do?" Misaki leaned up and kissed him fiercely, his eyes fluttering shut.

"Just hold me," he whispered into his mouth before sealing their lips again, more gently, this time. The older man brought his arms up around the angel, his angel, smiling a little. _Misaki…you stayed with me…_he thought, a glow of happiness growing inside him. At last, they parted due to Akihiko's need for air. Misaki rested his head on the other man's chest, snuggling in against him tightly.

"How long was I out?"

"Forty-four days…"

"Oh…I'm so sorry, Misaki. Did you…stay the entire time?"

"How could I leave you, idiot? Besides, where would I go? Just hang around in your empty apartment?"

"Didn't they kick you out?"

"Every night I made myself invisible to everyone but you, so they wouldn't know."

"Thank you…for staying with me."

"I will always stay with you. No matter what happens." Akhiko chuckled a little, smiling mischievously at his lover.

"You know, Misaki…it's been more than a month since we've done it…unless you did something while I was asleep…?"

"No! Pervert!"

"Well then…I'd say we're overdue for a little action."

"B-but you're still weak and can't move too much!"

"That's right…then I guess you'll just have to do all the work. Hm, Misaki?" The boy blushed but nodded. Slowly, he began to undress. "You're so beautiful…" He stood up in order to get his pants off. Then, fumbling, he managed to pull his lover's pants down to his knees. Of course things were made a little more difficult by the fact that Akihiko was stuck lying down in bed. Misaki pushed up his shirt as far as he could and began to kiss and nibble his chest, trying to reenact exactly what the author used to do to him. His lips found a nipple and he drew it into his mouth, sucking lightly. "Ohhhh….Misaki," Akihiko rumbled his approval. Misaki sucked a little harder before replacing his mouth with his fingers, so he could make his way down the older man's stomach. To his arousal.

"I love you," he whispered before taking the tip into his mouth. gradually, he took more and more of it in until he just gave up with going slow and deep-throated the other man. Akhiko moaned in pleasure, his eyes rolling back in his head. Misaki continued to suck and bob his head. He hummed around the fullness in his mouth, enjoying the breathless reactions he was receiving. Then, deciding he had waited long enough, he pulled away with a soft 'pop.'

"God, Misaki…that…ugh…was amazing," Akihiko whispered. "W-why'd you stop?" Misaki leaned forward to kiss his lips softly.

"Don't be disappointed…the good part is just getting started," he purred, trying his best to think about what his lover would say to make him incredibly hot and bothered. _He really has ruined my innocence,_ he thought ruefully as he got up on his knees and positioned the man's member at his entrance. Groaning with half-pleasure, half-pain, he inched down, impaling himself on the other man until he was fully in. He paused to catch his breath and adjust himself. "Oh, Usagi-san…you feel so hot and huge inside of me. You fill me up all the way. Ungh…it feels so good," he moaned.

"When you talk like that…it makes me want to do you so hard you'll never be able to walk, again," Akihiko replied raggedly. Trying to adjust himself, Misaki began to twist and grind his hips, contracting and loosening his muscles experimentally. "Mmmmm….Misssssaki…" the author moaned.

"Does it feel good, A-ki-hi-ko?" the angel asked, drawling out his lover's name seductively.

"Yes…incredible." Suddenly, he twisted in just a way that he hit the bundle of nerves buried inside him. He gasped, his eyes widening, lifted himself up – using his hands on Akihiko's chest to stabilize himself – and slammed back down, hitting that spot dead-on.

"Agh!" he let out a strangled moan, continuing to ride the other, trying to establish a rhythm. Akihiko's hands were on his waist, holding loosely. Then they were sliding down over his flexing thighs and then back up to his chest, memorizing every curve and ripple of his body. "Us-Usagi-san…" Misakia moaned.

"Misaki," the author purred in response. "Yes…r-ride me just like that. Harder…ohhhh… Misaki…it's amazing inside you. So good." Misaki could barely keep his eyes open through the pleasure, but he wanted to see Akihiko's face. And he knew his lover wanted to see his eyes. He always did. He moved faster, his arms and legs trembling with pleasure and exertion, but he didn't stop. Bright, white wings unfolded from his back, flaring out behind him as he moved up and down, up and down. In and out. In and out. It wasn't long before he felt himself nearing the end, and from the way his lover was beginning to tremble and jerk, he'd say they both were. The author reached up and stroked one of his wings, and that pushed him over the edge. He came with a high, sobbing cry, releasing thick, ropy strands of passion all over their bodies.

"Usagi-san!" He clamped down on the other man's member, bringing him to his own completion.

"Misaki!" he groaned, spilling his seed deep inside his lover's body. The boy got off of the author so he wouldn't collapse on him. He exhaled deeply and then got up and cleaned them both off, righted their clothes, and laid back down.

"Goodnight…Usagi-san."

"Goodnight, Misaki, my life, my love, my necrophilia."

* * *

Hey, y'all. That's the end, however; soon, hopefully, I will be posting an alternate ending. Thank you all for reading and for your reviews and support! I appreciate it!


	9. Wings

ALTERNATE ENDING: Picks up at the end of Chapter 7

"U-Usagi-san!" Misaki cried, falling to his knees beside the man. Keiichi was long gone. Akihiko's eyes were barely open, his lips parted in deep, ragged gasps.

"Mi…Misa…ki…" he panted weakly.

"Why did you do that, you idiot! You stupid…! It wouldn't have hurt me!"

"I…I panicked," the author admitted sheepishly. Scrambling, Misaki dug Akihiko's phone from the man's pocket and called the police.

"Please, come help! H-he got shot!...We're at the faire…right in the parking lot…please hurry!" He hung up. Suddenly, something caught his eye – the woman who'd tried to take him from Akihiko, back when they'd first met. She was standing a bit away, watching dispassionately. Their eyes locked and she nodded and then disappeared. Misaki stared at where she had left. Then took a deep breath. "Usagi-san…" he whispered. "I love you…" By this time, the man's eyes were closed and his breathing was rapid and shallow. Misaki continued to whisper soothingly to him, telling him it was going to be okay, and he just needed to relax. Then, the author's consciousness faded into blackness…

When he emerged, someone's mouth was on his, kissing hungrily, sucking harshly. His eyes opened. _Misaki._ But he couldn't move or say anything. In fact, all he could do was lie there and stare at Misaki and feel the hot, pressure of his mouth. He felt a slight tugging inside of him. He couldn't explain it.

"Usagi-san," Misaki panted. "Please just relax…I-I need you…to relax…" Akihiko felt tears falling down onto his face. "I love you, Usagi-san. I'm s-sorry." He felt that small, lithe body crawl on top of him. _What the…? Misaki…_ he thought. "Stop thinking, Usagi-san. Just trust me. We have to do this fast…before the ambulance gets here." _What is he talking about._ "Please, Usagi-san…this will only be harder for both of us if we wait much longer." Misaki's mouth returned to his as the boy's fingers curled into his hair and slid around the back of his neck, pulling upwards lightly. _Why can't I move? Why can't I say anything? _He tasted salt slipping into the kiss. Tears. _Oh, Misaki, please don't cry. Why can't I comfort you?_ The boy gave another tug and sat up, and somehow, Akihiko was suddenly able to move. He sat up and wrapped his arms around Misaki. The pain in his shoulder was dull and fading like a bad dream.

"Misaki," he murmured into the boy's hair. "Please don't cry…"

"Usagi-san…I'm sorry."

"Wh-why?"

"Look down." Akihiko turned and looked down…at his own face. He was pale and motionless, his eyes shut, his chest unmoving.

"Wh-what?"

"You died…Usagi-san. But you were prolonging it…hurting yourself. I had to make you let go…so I tried to be very gentle, when I was taking your soul out." _My soul…I died…I died._ He reached out to touch his body, but his hand passed right through. "You can't touch your own body," Misaki explained. The boy stood, offering Akihiko his hand, which the author took, shakily rising to his feet.

"What happens now?" he asked, holding onto that hand a little tighter. _ I don't want to lose him…_ Misaki smiled despite his tears, embracing the older man reassuringly.

"Now? We go home." Akihiko blinked as the boy's wings expanded from his back, passing through his clothes instead of tearing them.

"So I stay with you?"

"Yes…I took your soul, Akihiko…and I made it mine. Just like I am yours." (A/N: sorry, so cheesy, but I'm a stickler for happy endings.) The author rested his hand on Misaki's cheek, and the boy turned to kiss his palm. "You're not going to lose me." They both looked over as the police and ambulance came blaring to the scene. "One minute while I handle these guys…" Misaki walked over and gave his testimony to the police, explaining what had happened up to the point of Akihiko's death. Then, he returned to the still-shocked author.

"Didn't they see your wings?" Akihiko asked, because he really didn't know how to approach the other uncertainties rolling around his mind.

"They see what I wanted them to see of me. Only you can see me as I truly am." He entwined his fingers with the older man's. "And now only I can see you, as you truly are." Akihiko smiled a little bit, the presence of his guardian angel soothing his nerves.

"You were the only one that ever could." He let the younger boy lead him away from the fair. From the car. From the police and the lights and the sounds and the pain. From everything. He didn't know where they were walking until they arrived back at his apartment building. "Why are we here?" he asked. Misaki smiled.

"I figure we have time. We have eternity. Why not spend one more night here?" Akihiko blinked, puzzled. But then just nodded, following his lover up to his apartment.

"Misaki…earlier today…you kept staring at me. What were you looking at? You seemed so…worried." Misaki smiled and shook his head.

"I was just being stupid. I was worried…that what you felt for me…was love, not lust. You proved me very, very wrong." He kissed the man's cheek. "I'm so happy…that you love me as much as I love you." Akihiko gasped softly. Such a passionate confession…

"Misaki…when you talk like that…how do you expect me to hold back?"

"Who said I wanted you to hold back, Usagi-san? You think maybe there's a reason I want to spend another night here instead of making that long, tiring journey u-mph!" He was unable to finish for he suddenly found himself choking on his lover's tongue, which was being shoved forcefully into his mouth. He let himself be forced back against the wall as those large, cool hands explored his body, hastily fumbling with buttons to rid him of his clothes. "U-Usagi-san…don't tease…" The older man smirked, nibbling on his little lover's ear.

"Misaki. I love you." He began to kiss his way down the boy's neck. He paused to suck on a patch of skin on his neck, laving it with his tongue and biting on it until it left a large, red mark, proudly declaring "he's mine." Gradually, that devious mouth traveled down to find one of Misaki's nipples. "I love how sensitive your body is, Misaki. Just from this, your nipples are already pert and hard." He exhaled hotly over the bud just below his lips. The younger boy groaned, leaning his head back against the wall. His long, slender fingers burrowed into those ashy-brown locks, massaging into Akihiko's scalp.

"D-don't…say that kind of stuff…" he whimpered. "It's – agh!" he was cut off as the older of the two began to suck on his nipple, rolling it between his teeth and then licking it. The author's left hand came up to pinch and toy with the other nipple while his right hand ghosted down over the boy's stomach to his thighs, stroking teasingly – just barely missing the part of the boy that **begged** for his attention. Misaki hissed his frustration even while trying to groan his pleasure. "U-Usagi…san!" he moaned, caught between appreciation and disappointment. Akihiko looked up at him and instantly hardened fully. The boy was flushed and panting, his eyes lidded with pleasure, head lolling back to reveal his pale, slender throat. His lips were parted in deep, ragged breaths, his tongue occasionally flitting out to wet his lips.

"Misaki…you look so delicious, right now," Akihiko moaned, dropping to his knees to come face to face with the boy's throbbing erection. "I could just eat you up." He licked the tip teasingly, causing Misaki's hips to snap forward as the boy gasped.

"Please!" he begged loudly. "Please, Usagi-san!"

"Please, **what**, Misaki? What do you want?"

"Y-you know what I want!"

"I don't think I do, my sweet, little angel." He chuckled breathily at his lover's exasperation, letting his hot breath wash over the boy's need. The younger moaned in response, tossing his head from side to side. Hands tightening into Akihio's hair, he yanked the older man's head forward a little.

"Suck me, please, Akihiko. I want to feel your hot mouth all around me. I want to see you swallow everything I have to give. So **please**-!" Before he could finish his moaned plea, the author had acquiesced, taking the boy's member into his mouth and hollowing out his cheeks as he sucked hard. The angel nearly shrieked his pleasure, slamming his head back into the wall with a loud thump. "God, Akihiko…that….it's…ugh….too…too good…" he stammered. "I…I won't last…" Akihiko grinned and redoubled his efforts, teasing the slit with his tongue and humming deep in his throat to send vibrations all the way through the boy. Misaki doubled over with a strangled cry as he released into his lover's mouth. "Usagi-san!" The man swallowed and pulled away with a slurping sound.

"Mmmm, so good," he purred, rising to his feet and fumbling with his own pants while Misaki worked on unbuttoning his shirt. The pants and boxers dropped first, the shirt in quick succession. "God, Misaki…look what you do to me…" The boy blushed as he noted Akihiko's fully-erect member.

"D-don't be so embarrassing," he mumbled, though this was his weakest protest, yet. The man dropped to his knees again.

"Turn around." The boy obeyed, a little confused.

"Wh-what are you-?" He gasped when Akihiko parted those two, globes of flesh and ran his tongue around his entrance. "Ah! U-Usagi-san! D-don't!" And yet his entrance twitched in response.

"I'm just lubricating," the violet-eyed man teased before pressing his tongue in past that tight ring of muscles.

"S-stop…it f-f-f-feels weird. Please…Usa—oh, Usagi-san…" He leaned heavily against the wall, his cheek pressed onto its cool surface as he moaned shamelessly. At last, his lover drew back, panting slightly. He used the fluids leaking from his member to coat his fingers. Kissing Misaki's back, he chuckled and pushed one finger in.

"Look at how hard you are, and so recently after you just came…" he purred. This time, the boy couldn't even formulate a real response; he just groaned and thrust back onto the intruding finger. "You're so tight. I can just imagine how you'll feel around my big, hot, dripping co-"

"Usagi-san!" Misaki managed to cut him off. Akihiko kissed his back in apology, smirking subtly.

"Sorry. I won't embarrass you anymore." He added a second finger and began to scissor them, then it wasn't long before he added a third. The author stood, withdrawing his fingers and positioning his member at his entrance instead. "I love you." Then, he pushed forward. Misaki moaned, tossing his head back onto Akihiko's shoulder as the author trembled with the strain of holding back the urge to just slam into that body before him. He watched in fascination as his lover's entrance hungrily took in everything he had to offer until their bodies were flush against each other. He forced himself to wait. "Are you okay?" he asked, kissing away his lover's tears.

"Y-yeah…move." Akihiko pulled back out almost all the way and then slammed back in, hitting the boy's prostate – by a stroke of luck – on his first try. "Ah! There! Please! More!" The author obliged, slamming in and out as hard and fast as he could. He kept his arms around the boy's chest, supporting him, his lips showering soft kisses all over the back of his neck. The apartment filled with the sounds of their panting moans and skin slapping sweat-soaked skin. "S-so close," Misaki moaned.

"I know…m-me too," Akihiko stammered weakly, his movements growing jerky. He thrust one more time and Misaki came with a scream of pleasure, clamping down around Akihiko and bringing him to his own completion. "Misaki!" Huge, white wings exploded from the writer's back as he convulsed, releasing deep into the boy. They slumped against each other, the wall their only support, and eventually Misaki turned around.

"You found your wings," he whispered, smiling weakly. Tiredly, the two of them slid to the ground, curled up together under a blanket of feathers, and fell asleep.

* * *

Thanks! That's the end. Which one did you guys like better? In my opinion both a pretty cheesy, but that's okay. Anyways, thanks for reading and reviewing!


	10. Rebirth

So I figured out what I **actually** wanted to do with the ending to this story. Here it is, I guess. Still not sure if I like how the chapter ends (feels abrupt) but oh well.

* * *

**_August 20_****_th_****_, – Writer's Journal Entry 1,245_**

**_This is Misaki. Usagi-san is in a coma, but I don't want him to miss his journal, even for a day. I don't know what to write though. I'm not good at this sort of thing. Not like him. Why'd he go and jump in front of me, anyways? The bullet couldn't have hurt me! I'm dead already!_****_And now he's in a coma and the doctors don't even know what's going to happen with him! Why would he do something like that?_**

**_I keep asking that question, over and over to myself, but I know why. It just took me too long to realize it. It was that light. Right before the gunshot, the light inside Usagi-san was so bright. It wasn't lust or desire, after all. It was love. Real love. But now he's like this, and it's too late! What am I supposed to do? I was supposed to protect him! I'm his guardian angel! Why couldn't I protect him? Why did he have to get shot for me? It's all wrong. Everything is all wrong. It wasn't ever supposed to be like this. Wake up, Usagi-san. Please wake up. I have to tell you that I love you, that I know you love me. I have to save you – I'm your guardian angel. I can't fail you, again. Not after I got so close._**

Misaki set down the journal, trying and failing to choke back tears. They spilled out, streaming down his cheeks to drip onto the bed. He took Akihiko's hand, squeezing it tightly. He slowly laid his head down on the man's chest, sobbing brokenly.

"Wake up!" he whimpered. "Wake up! Usagi-san, you have to! I…I need you. I love you! Come back to me!" He didn't notice the nurse standing in the doorway, staring at him sadly. He didn't notice when she stepped into the room nor when she cleared her throat. Her hand descended on his shoulder, and he jumped, shocked.

"You have to go, now," she murmured.

"No!" Misaki cried. "I can't! I can't leave him! I have to be here when he wakes up!" Her hand tightened slightly.

"We'll call you as soon as something happens, but we're not predicting that he'll wake any time soon."

"I can't leave! I can't leave him! I have to stay and talk to him. Maybe…maybe if I keep talking to him…he'll wake up." The nurse sighed sadly, shaking her head.

"It doesn't work that way, Misaki. While we've always entertained the idea that people in a coma can hear the outside world, there's never been any real proof of it, and so far we haven't ever found any correlation between talking to patients and their recovery rates."

"It's different with us! I…I know…it has to be!"

"Look – you've been through an ordeal. You haven't slept since he was brought here, yesterday, so you're exhausted. You've endured some mental trauma…you need to go home and rest, okay? I promise, things won't seem as bad, if you leave now and come back in the morning." Misaki's eyes widened, and slowly, he stood, dropping Akihiko's hand. Defeated, he walked out of the room and down the hall. Suddenly, he turned a corner and looked around. No one could see him. Quickly, he turned invisible before making his way back to the author's room and slipping inside just as the nurse left. He sat back down on the bed, taking his lover's hand.

"That woman doesn't know what she's talking about. I'm your guardian angel," he murmured. "So you'll definitely wake up if I stay with you…right? You have to. I need you." He leaned over and brushed a soft kiss against the older man's lips. "I won't leave your side until you wake up, I promise." Casting a quick glance around to make sure no one was looking, he lifted up the blankets and slid in next to Akihiko, wrapping his arms around the author as best he could. He wouldn't sleep, but he felt like maybe if he just stayed close enough…maybe his lover would recover faster.

True to his word, he didn't leave the man's side for an instant while he was unconscious. Every night he would turn invisible to the human eye and crawl into bed next to his beloved novelist. And every day, he would turn visible again and sit by his bedside, talking to him and writing in his journal. Sometimes he would reminisce, sometimes he would talk about the news or the weather, sometimes he would read aloud to him from a book Aikawa brought. No matter what it was, however, he took time aside from it to just sit there and whisper soft assurances of love into his ear and to beg him to wake up. And every night, he would kiss the other man goodnight and cry on his chest until his tears were all used up.

Days stretched into weeks, and weeks into months – two and a half months, Akihiko clung to life without stirring from his coma. A grand total of seventy three days dripped by in this fashion, and yet Misaki would not give up. The nurses told him he didn't have to stay, but about three weeks in they realized they weren't going to change his mind, and they stopped bothering him about it. Aikawa visited a few times, and Takahiro even came with flowers once or twice, but Misaki didn't even look at them. He stared at the author as if he expected that at any moment, Akihiko's eyes would flutter open and everything would be okay, again.

He was surrounded by darkness. It was so cold. His body felt lethargic, like he was just to apathetic to move. Snippets of conversation floated through the muted blackness. _I love you, Usagi-san. Come back to me. I need you. _Those were the words that stuck the most. Even when he couldn't catch what was being said, that voice was soothing and invigorating all at once. It eased the pain, but it also drove him to struggle for it. But the emptiness locked around his body like chains, and no matter how he struggled, he couldn't get free. Who was talking to him? Begging him to open his eyes. He wanted to obey. He wanted to end the tortured sobs echoing in his ears. He struggled harder. Who was it? A warm, wet mouth closed around his own, sucking softly on his lower lip.

Then, the crying stopped and new words started. _I'm sorry, Usagi-san. I'm so sorry. You've been like this so long…I can't take waiting for you anymore. Usagi-san…I can't wait like this._ Akihiko panicked. Was he being left alone? No! Misaki! Misaki couldn't leave him! But he didn't want to hurt the boy any further. Maybe it was better, if he was left alone. Maybe his guardian angel could recover with time. _I won't wait for you anymore!_ Akihiko struggled harder. He felt someone else tugging at the chains with him. It hurt. It felt like he was being ripped apart. But if it was for Misaki, he would withstand any pain.

A cry tore from his mouth as he sat up, violet eyes flashing open. Soft, insistent lips were pressed hungrily against his, sucking harshly while thin, delicate fingers clutched his shirt. The ashy-haired man gasped, his arms moving to wrap around the boy.

"Don't leave me," he whispered. The boy hugged him tightly, tears springing to his eyes.

"Usagi-san! I'm so sorry!" he sobbed.

"Shhh…shh…don't be. It's going to be okay."

"N-no. I'm so sorry. I'm sorry that I…I…I'm sorry that I couldn't wait for you!"

"Shhh…hush, my love. You did wait for me." The boy drew back, shaking his head sadly. He hiccupped, rubbing his eyes to clear away the tears.

"You don't understand," he whimpered. He took hold of Akihiko's chin and turned it so he was staring at the pillow – at his own face. Alarmed, the author spun.

"Wh-what?"

"It's only a matter of moments before the nurses come and see you're dead."

"D-dead?"

"Yes."

"We have to go! They'll-!"

"No, they won't see us, Usagi-san. They can't see us. We don't belong to their world, anymore." The novelist turned to look at his own corpse again. "I'm sorry for taking your soul. It's just…I was waiting…so long…and you weren't waking up. I'm sorry it hurt."

"Misaki, I think…if it means I can be with you…I really don't mind."

"You don't understand. It shouldn't have hurt, except…except you still had time left when I took you."

"Wh-what?"

"You had three more years until you were supposed to die. My supervisor came and told me you would live for three years in this coma before you died. I couldn't…I couldn't handle it. I couldn't stand not being able to hear your voice or feel your warmth or see your eyes…" Akihiko blinked.

"Misaki, I'm glad that you did this."

"What? I don't…understand."

"I do not want you to suffer an instant. To think we'd have gone three years, separated like that. The pain it would've caused both of us…this is far better. There was nothing for me in that world except you, Misaki. So as long as I have you, I don't think it matters that I'm dead." The angel smiled sadly. "I will…still have you, right?"

"I don't…I don't know. What I did…that is a grave sin for us. Taking your soul early…I don't know what my punishment would be. They'll be coming for me as soon as they realize what I've done."

"What then?"

"I wish I knew." Akihiko grabbed the boy's arms.

"Let's run away together."

"Run away?"

"Yes. We can run from them until they give up on catching you. Then we can live together in peace."

"Where?"

"Wherever we want. Here, if you want. Up there. Does it matter? I would even run to Hell with you, if that's what was needed." They both glanced over as the nurses came rushing in. Misaki stood, taking the man's hand.

"Okay, Usagi-san. We'll run away together. They won't catch us, and if they do, we'll go down together."

"Exactly. There's no punishment that can outweigh the pleasure of having you by my side, Misaki. I'm not afraid." He stood as well, stepping off the bed and casting a final glance back at his corpse.

"What a pair we make – a guardian angel and a lost soul…" Misaki mused as the two of them left the room.

"Isn't that what we always were? The way I see it, almost nothing has changed." The two of them slipped out into the hall, strolling off together. "So where do we go from here?"

"Right now? Home. They won't realize what I've done for a few days, as long as we stay on earth, so that gives us some time."

"You stayed with me…all that time I was in the coma. I could hear you and feel you. Thank you…for not leaving me."

"How could I leave you, Usagi-san? I'm your guardian angel, and I…I love you. I could never leave your side, no matter the consequences."

"It was like I was chained, Misaki. I couldn't move. I could hear you, and I wanted so badly to go to you, but I was helpless, held captive in this horrible, black emptiness that just swallowed me whole. There was no escape. There were days when I thought it would be unbearable save for your voice, which permeated the darkness and brought me comfort."

"You say that kind of thing…with those flowery words…it's so embarrassing," Misaki muttered as they came out onto the street.

"How long was I out?"

"Two and a half months."

"Oh, my Misaki. I'm sorry for making you wait so long. I swear I'll make it up to you the second we get home." He kissed the boy's head to seal the promise. Suddenly, he remembered something "Before all this…when we were on our date…you seemed distant. What was wrong?" The boy blushed, shaking his head.

"I-it was nothing. I was just so insecure. I was imagining problems that didn't exist."

"Like what? I want to erase all doubts from your mind. So tell me, just in case there's a sliver of insecurity left."

"There was this light inside you, and I…I thought it was just lust. I don't know…it just…I was scared that you only desired me. That it wasn't…love. I mean you were so eager to…do stuff, so I thought…maybe…"

"Misaki…"

"I was wrong though. I realized it…right when you jumped in front of that bullet. It was love, all along. So…I just wanted you to know…that I love you, too." Akihiko grinned and quickened his pace a little.

"You know, those kinds of honest confessions are really irresistible. How am I supposed to hold back when you say those kinds of things with that adorable blush painted across your cheeks?" Misaki blushed even deeper.

"W-well…it's been so long…I guess it's okay if you don't really…hold back too much. I-I mean…I've missed you so much. Some nights, it was just…so…so hard…" Misaki sniffled, blinking back tears. Akihiko stopped, turning the boy to face him.

"Shhh, shh…don't cry. Oh, Misaki. I'm so sorry. C'mere." He swooped down and kissed the boy softly. "I will never leave you, again," he vowed, propelling the angel back into an alleyway. "You said no one could see us, right?"

"R-right, but-?"

"And no one can hear us?"

"Right."

"Could they touch us?"

"Not like this, no. We'd have to take a corporeal form for that…"

"Perfect." Akihiko pushed him up against a wall, kissing him passionately. His tongue swept out into his mouth. The angel responded readily, his tongue rising to dance with the author's. He whimpered softly.

"H-here?" he asked, breaking the kiss. "It's so public…"

"You said no one could see us or hear us or touch us, so it's just about as private as it gets, actually. And I don't think I can wait anymore." He leaned in for another, heated kiss – more teeth and tongue than lips. "Oh, Misaki," he whispered into the boy's mouth. "We're going to create our own, little piece of heaven here on earth."

"If you say things like that, I really won't be able to control myself, Usagi-san. After all, you taught me how to feel lust, too."

"Good. Lose your control. I want everything you have to give me." Misaki moaned and flung his arms around the older man, pulling him down to his mouth, starting to grind against him. Akihiko couldn't help but moan his approval, his large, cool fingers starting to work on divesting them both. A grin stretched across his lips as Misaki began to help him, nimble fingers slipping up under his shirt to lift it over his head. Within a minute and a half, the two of them were naked in the alleyway, hands relearning familiar territory. Misaki shivered with pleasure as Akihiko's hands slid down to cup his buttocks, hoisting him up a little. The angel's fingers stroked nimbly up and down the author's body, teasing out little gasps and shudders from him. Suddenly, the boy pulling away just enough to fall to his knees.

"May I?" he asked, glancing up at his lover's shocked face. Then, without waiting for an answer, he licked the tip of the older man's throbbing need. He paused to consider the taste, surprised that he didn't find it altogether unpleasant. With a mischievous grin, he licked it again, this time starting at the base and traveling all the way to the tip. Akihiko gasped in pleasure, his hips jerking forward. "Was that good?" Misaki asked, a faint blush touching his cheeks. The ashy-haired man nodded enthusiastically, and the boy proceeded to lick and kiss his way up and down his shaft. Then, he took the tip into his mouth, sucking lightly.

"Misaki!" Akihiko moaned. The angel drew back.

"Always, you worry so much about my pleasure and making me feel good…not tonight. Tonight I'm going to make **you** feel good, too," he declared before replacing his mouth. The author's large, slightly-calloused hands dove into his hair and curled tightly for a moment before consciously loosening as to avoid hurting the boy. It was all he could do to keep his hips still as his smaller lover slowly took him deeper into his throat.

"M-Misaki…it feels…ahh…please…" The teen hesitated for a moment, his nose pressed into the soft curls of Akihiko's pubic hair, then, he drew back until just the tip was in his mouth and slid back down. The author squeezed his eyes shut in pleasure, throwing his head back in an effort to control the rest of his body as Misaki began to thoroughly and enthusiastically suck him off. The angel constricted his throat tightly around the man, sucking hard as he drew back and then relaxed his muscles so he could slide all the way back down when he was taking him in. Getting used to the feeling, he began to speed up, his hands finding Akihiko's hips to urge him to thrust gently. He hummed softly, as if he were the one being pleasured, and not the other way around. "Do that again," Akihiko moaned. "Felt so good."

"Mmmmmm…" The author groaned heavily, allowing Misaki's hands to control the speed and depth of his thrusts, so he wouldn't hurt the boy.

"I won't hold out…much longer…if you keep this up," he warned as his lover's tongue fondled the tip of his arousal. This only made the boy suck harder, moving his head faster and urging the author's hips to thrust deeper. "Mi-Misaki! Ah…I'm…I'm going to…!"

"Mmmhmmmmmmm…"

"MISAKI!" The boy pulled halfway back just as he came so the older man's seed filled his mouth. Through lust-hazed eyes, Akihiko watched as Misaki swallowed his load and made sure to lick him clean before sitting back. And from that display, he was already getting hard, again. "Misaki…that was…ah…" The boy stood and kissed him deeply, allowing the author to taste himself in his mouth.

"Take me, **Akihiko**. Take me to our little piece of heaven on earth." The older man needed no second urgingl; he lifted the boy up, allowing him to cling onto him by wrapping his arms around his neck and his legs around his waist, and held his fingers to his mouth. "I don't need that," Misaki replied. "I **need** you in me, right now."

"But-!"

"Now, Usagi-san. I will most likely **never** be this forward, again, so please…please just put it in me." The author lined up his length at the boy's entrance, braced him against the wall, and pushed forward. "Ah! Oh, God! Usagi-san! Feels so good!" the angel cried out, tears springing to his eyes.

"Does it hurt too much?" Akihiko asked once he was settled all the way in.

"It hurts, but I've needed this…for so long. I don't care if it hurts. Move. Please. I need to feel complete – the way only you make me feel when you're climaxing inside of me."

"So direct," the older man whispered. "I guess you really have been desperate." He drew out and shoved back in. Misaki cried out, tightening his legs around his lover's waist.

"More!" And who was Akihiko to refuse? He obliged, thrusting in harder and faster with each thrust, pummeling into the smaller boy's prostate. "Ah! U-sa-gi-san! Yes! Oh, Usagi-san!"

"Misaki," Akihiko whispered hotly into his ear. "I love you. I love you. I love you!" The boy was tossing his head and writhing as best he could, completely unraveling in his lover's hands. "I'm close."

"M-me too! So close." Akihiko took a step away from the wall so there would be room for the boy's wings, which he noticed came out every time he climaxed. Two more thrusts and they came together, shouting each other's names as the younger painted their chests with his essence and the older spurted his deep into the other boy. Bright, white feathers encapsulated them as Akihiko slowly lowered them to the ground, where they came down from their highs. "I missed you, Usagi-san."

"I missed you, too, Misaki. I'm glad that we can have an eternity together, now, no matter how hard it gets."

"Me too." Across the street, watching emotionlessly, was a woman with long, black hair and obsidian eyes. She shook her head and turned away, sprouting a pair of white wings. _I hope you know what you're doing, Misaki,_ she thought sadly. _Because this sort of crime is not something I can overlook. Then again, it seems when it comes to Akihiko, you never did care about the rules._ She took off into the sky, leaving them to bask in each other's company. _I suppose I can wait a few days to report this,_ she decided. _Just to give you a few moments of peace before you and your lover become hunted men._

* * *

Not sure why I made them fugitives - I just thought that actions should have consequences, and killing someone early (especially if you're their guardian angel) is a pretty big offense. I didn't really intend for that to happen, but...oh well. Here it is! R&R please :)


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